Anywhere Anyways

To Write Love On Her Arms

2009-06-27T05:22:00.003-06:00

Yeah. I know. I haven't blogged in awhile. You're all wondering where I went. Well...my life has been pretty uneventful lately...relatively. Certainly uneventful in any areas I'd want to blog about. Which is most of them. T_t;;

Yeah. I went to Texas. Then I came back. You don't want to know what happened next. :oops: No, really. I fail. You don't want to hear the part of the story where I fail. :P It would be kind of like having your favourite book series suddenly stop about halfway through, then have the author die, then have a new author come in, sum up what he think happened in the other half of the series, then end it in a long, twisted, endless, wordy, poorly-written scene where the main character just drops off the face of the planet in the middle of all the drama and all the loose ends and supposed lessons and subplots never come to a conclusion and are just left hanging as the main character slinks away. Really. It would. If I blogged it anyway. :P

But anyway, I was finally coerced by an impatient reader to update my blog (you know who you are... Hood. << ).

So... yeah. Of course, I've been thinking about blogging about TWLOHA or awhile /anyway/... :P It all works.

To Write Love On Her Arms... I suppose I'll start with what the site says. "To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery."

But while that may answer the initial question of "...what are you talking about?" it doesn't really express it fully. IMO. So, a little further down on the page, we come to the Vision. Rather than the summary.

"The vision is that we actually believe these things…

"You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

"We live in a difficult world, a broken world. My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.

"We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.

"You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change. ... "

Heh ^^;; Okay, I need to stop copying or I'm never going to get a word in edgewise around myself. Anyway... ...if that gives you some idea, assuming you didn't already know what Twloha was... If you want to read the rest of what they have to say, and the story of how it started: http://www.twloha.com/page.php?id=6

I've already taken up more space than I intended to without even /starting/ on the point I intended to make. But meh. This is usual for me. :P

So, I /found/ TWLOHA, the site, sometime last year. In December, I believe. That was a relatively busy month for me. I saw more people in that month than I had in several of the preceding months put together. :P I didn't have much time to look into things like that.

But I did read the story. And it made me cry. And back then (I know, six months ago is /so/ long ago, right? :P ) I really didn't cry much. So it was a big deal.

I started writing "love" on my wrists daily after that.

I wasn't entirely sure why, but if someone asked me, I'd direct them to the TWLOHA site, wondering if they'd find the answer to the question that I couldn't give them there. :oops:

Months went by, I went to Texas. It changed me in a lot of ways, and it taught me a lot of things. More even than I've had the time and circumstances to realise and process yet, I'm sure. Things of that epic proportion seem to have that effect on me...

But I have seriously started to babble. Oye, I'm really not all that eloquent, am I? T_t;; 'tis a gift I did /not/ inherit from /anyone/, I'm afraid... >.< Rawr.

...The cat just meowed loudly for /no reason/. He's going to wake everyone up. T_t;;

Er. Ahem.

So... one thing I learned a lot about was Love. Another was community, what it felt like to be surrounded by actual people...people who knew you...people who didn't...but people who accepted you anyway...whole /groups/ of people like that, who were all close to my age! Being around people like that on a constant basis for an extended period of time. Having even a few young people my age right at my fingertips /daily/ is something I don't think I've had in... /years/. Since I was in like 3rd grade. Certainly not since most of my, well, issues have all come up in recent years. It was amazing.

And then I came back, different than when I left, but pliable enough, not changed /enough/, so that I easily started slipping right back into old habits, patterns, most of them not so good for me or other people...

And I found TWLOHA again, sitting there in my bookmarks, waiting for me to rediscover what it was about.

Now, one thing that I've wanted to do most of my /life/ is work with people/help people/affect their lives. When I was younger, that desire came out in the "I wanna be an EMT when I grow up!" sort of thing. As I hit preteen years, it transferred into a more creative outlet, writing. Recently, though, as I've been having other people help /me/ out of all my issues, or even just tolerating me and promising to be there until I get out... I know that's what I want to do for other people. Help them. Anyone, really. But especially... people like me. Of course, that's where I hit a few blocks.

1. I've still got issues--how can I help /anyone/?

Well. T_t;; I sort of can't. Not in the way I want to. Not yet...but TWLOHA is doing exactly what I want to do...and if I can support them by spreading the word about them, then I'm at least doing a /little/ bit for now.

Not to mention, the more I read the posts, the more I immerse myself in this developing passion of mine, the more it helps /me/. It takes my mind off my situations, my little worries and issues, and yet it makes me feel like I do matter, that even a little bit that I can do makes a difference, and reading the words, the blog posts...fills me with hope, optimism, joy. Often to the point of making me cry. Instead of crying in a corner because I'm so overwhelmed in a negative way. It just...it all-around helps.

I know it sounds selfish to say it's helping me when I'm wanting to help /others/, but meh. Like I said, as I am, I can't help people the way I want. If TWLOHA is helping to change that...even better. :)

2. I live in /the middle of nowhere/. How am I supposed to do anything to help anyone, or even spread the word about this cause if I never /see/ anyone?

Well...if I never see anyone, the writing "love" on my wrist becomes solely a reminder for myself. It doesn't render it useless by far.

And, with the internet awesome in the way it is... :P I can help out anyway. Maybe not much, just one broken person in the middle of nowhere posting in the few circles she has any influence in to people she can only hope will at least take the time to read her posts if nothing else. But it's /something/. It makes me feel not quite as useless. It keeps me going. And hopefully it helps /someone/. Even one person.

3-- oh, blah. I don't feel like coming up with more arguments against myself. ^_^ So...yeah. To Write Love On Her Arms... is an amazing story, an amazing cause. IMO. Just seeing that there are people like that, there's a cause like that, there's a message like that, and more people than myself believe it. A whole bunch of people believe it, and they want to bring it to other people... it counteracts all the horrible lies out there, the ones that bring you down, make you feel worthless, hopeless, pointless.

Sometimes just hearing that /someone/ thinks your life matters, just reading those words, even if they weren't written recently and they weren't written with you in mind...they still help. It keeps me sane, it keeps me going. It makes me feel like there's hope for people, for me, there's a world out there. It might be full of a lot of bad things, but there are also some good people, there's also some love. God still exists. And twloha's doing /exactly/ what I want to do--helping people like me. Worse than me. Worse than I ever was. Helping them and turning their lives around.

If nothing else, helping twloha out even a little means that in some indirect way I'm sort of helping the people that they help. Even just an insignificant, too-tiny-to-measure amount. It means I'm part of something that helps people. And that's an amazing feeling, however tiny it is. ^_^

I hope I didn't contradict myself somewhere in there--sometimes I do that when I'm trying to find the right wording and FAIL epically. I KNOW I repeated myself. T_t;; This has sort of been nothing but a bunch of incoherent babble lumped together in a mishmash of paragraphs, but hopefully you get my point... and maybe, if you know me, get a bit of why I love Twloha so much. :oops:

Or maybe you just think I'm a sillyhead. Either way, that's about all I have to say on the matter until I get my thoughts together better. And hey--I finally posted, right? :P

Heh, if you want to hear much betterly-worded posts, to the point of being positively amazingly poetic, on similar topics of love and community that I'm trying to get across (and I believe she's talked about TWLOHA before), then I suggest you go read Raen's blog. :P You'll understand it better. Hers usually make me cry and in general just /feel/ a lot. Unlike mine which make me go "WHA...!?!?".

www.elraen-fragileontheinside.blogspot.com

But if you're interested in the site, www.twloha.com Go check their site out (don't they have a really pretty logo??)

They're also on twitter, if you feel like following them. ^_^

And they're on tour right now (pfft, no, I haven't got issues, what you talkin' bout?):

So that's my shameless "OMG I FOUND A NEW PASSION GO LOOK GO LOOK GO LOOKIE!" post...
:P

Safe journeying, and...what's Carrie Underwood doing on this Pandora station? T_t;;

-Any

Ren Faire

2009-03-19T08:27:00.003-06:00

Okay, so, since I didn't have any pictures of me in it from Friday to post, I completely avoided the topic of the cloak. ^_^

So, Mrs. Burklin worked on it really hard for a few days, and finished it Friday night...and it's awesome. I'm overwhelmed. Cloaks mean a lot, I've never had one (obviously...I only wore one for the first time when I got here), and this is just...wow. I'm still going wow and I've had it for nearly a week by the time I'm writing this.

But anyway, Friday night, when I was so dizzy, one of the clearest things I remember apart from falling down a lot :6: was the cloak. I was seriously speechless when I saw it there hanging up, finished. Telpe helped me put it on and I was just :-O the whole time. I then proceeded to refuse to take it off until Flynn sent me to bed later.

So in the morning on Saturday, waking up and feeling much better, I was absolutely thrilled to have it for the Ren Faire, not only because it was awesomely awesome, but because it was also a chilly day and it was a very warm cloak. :)

So, everyone who was going (Raen, Mrs. Burklin, Flynn, Lina, and I) all got dressed up in our various outfits--

Raen, Lina, and Mrs. Burklin all had beautiful dresses that I don't even know what to call except "gorgeous" :P because I know nothing about garments of that sort. But they were quite pretty and very fitting for a ren faire. Everyone had cloaks, too, of course.

Lina:

Flynn was wearing some sort of tunic thing he has, plus his cloak, and, randomly, a lightsaber. :P

I had my cloak, but I kept my jeans and t-shirt. I commented that I was the only girl not wearing a skirt and Lina said that, well, I was a pirate, and they were not responsible for my actions. :P Telpe concocted a plan to make me /really/ a pirate and borrowed Lina's pirate hat for me. B-)

One of Lina's friends--Jennifer, I think--came over dressed in a similarly awesome dress, but I think she borrowed a cloak instead of having her own. -nod-

Staples and Joel, Flynn's friends, came over at about the same time. They were just wearing normal clothes. :P In case you were interested.

I at this point was practically bouncing around with anticipation. It wasn't long before we packed everything up, piled in the van, and headed out.

Flynn, Joel, and Staples were in the very back, Raen and I were in the next seat up, Lina was in front of us with her huge, awesome hoop skirt thing, and Mrs. Burklin and Jennifer (I'm going to feel terrible if this isn't her name) were in the front. The drive there wasn't long, and filled with random music and chatter.

I can't accurately give my first impression of the faire because I wasn't paying attention to it as we got there. I can say that the entire thing felt surreal. I'd never (in my memory anyway) been to a Ren Faire before, certainly not with friends that I was already amazed to be around, and definitely not in an amazing cloak. ^_^

We piled out of the van, headed in, and planned out what we were going to do. I don't think I ever knew the plan, because I didn't know the schedule or what the Ren Faire even had. I was mostly sticking with Raen, as everyone separated and we started wandering around the Faire's grounds.

She took me on a brief tour, talking about various places and things that had happened in Faires past. Then we decided to go down to the blacksmith's. Raen warned me to not let her down there or she'd never get away. I said I'd drag her away by her hair.

Flynn, Staples, and Joel accompanied us, and we hung out there. It was seriously awesome. Easily my favourite part of the Faire. :6: The blacksmith is not only amazing at what he does, but he's opinionated and hilarious and incredibly interesting to listen to. I could have spent the entire day down there easily. :6:

So, I obviously failed at dragging Raen away. :P

We made it over to the Professional Showoff's show just in time, though. That was quite hilarious.

His stuff was wet and his hands were numb with cold, but even so, he made it into an incredibly hilarious and entertaining show, as well as quite impressive. He called up Flynn from the audience at one point to juggle knives over. That was interesting... :P

To prevent this from being novel-sized, I'll just go over the highlights of the rest of the day.

We went to the jousting twice, that was really cool. I can see why they like that event so much. Jousting rocks. XD I liked Roland the best, possibly because of his name. :6:

We saw the Professional Showoff again, and this time his stuff wasn't as wet and he was warmer, so it went much better. I think Flynn got it taped that time.

We saw the nun show, which was cute. :P This is Lina and her friend on the stage afterward looking at one of the instruments they'd used:

We went in a few shops. Didn't really buy much...except at the armory. :6:

I got an AWESOMESAUCE knife, much thanks to Raen. :) It's seriously cool. I don't remember what it's called...k something... let me check. Khukri? Sounds right. ^_^ Note Happy Pirate Bob in my hat. :6:

Raen got a really cool sword to add to her collection--she hadn't bought one in a really long time. And a really pretty lock...ish...thing for photography purposes. :D

We all had Chai at the van. Real chai. Famous Texan chai. That stuff is amazing. O.o Seriously.
Me with my first cup:

Staples is the one with the beard. Joel is the one with the green thing around his neck.

Also, our idea of tailgaiting XD:

Flynn climbed a tree. :P
Awesome. XD

I got to hang out with Raen a lot. Which was nice. :) I like spending time with her and it's not something I've been able to do excessively.

We took a lot of pictures, too.

Lina's friend:

Flynn looking, as has been noted, somewhat unsure about being inbetween Staples and Joel... :6:

Me in my cloak (the back):

Flynn, with his tripod looking like a weapon:

Raen fascinated with the reflection in the car window:

Joel looking like a gangster. "Best bling ever":

Prettyness:

Random picture of Flynn:

Joel, Flynn, and I standing around a fire where it was nice and warm:

Flynn and Joel:

And then we all drove back to the Burklins' home,

and stopped for fast food for supper along the way.

Overall, I completely enjoyed the Ren Faire. I had a really awesome time. I loved it, loved hanging out with everyone, and loved the surreal feeling of, as Raen put it, being in another world.

Of course, after being on such a high all day, and then being in the car (cars always make me overly thoughtful) in the dark and relative quiet on the drive back...I started thinking about how much I would miss such fun and happy stuff like this, miss being around people, when I had to go home. So yeah.

But all in all it was quite an awesome day (for me).

I shall end this post here and get back on to update again soon...

Safe journeying, and SWEET, glad you could make it! -creepy music-

-Any

Parting shot:
Me attempting to look, like, all valiant or something. And failing. But XD whatever.

Random Catching Up

2009-03-19T06:01:00.004-06:00

As much FUN as it would be to go through and put up a new and detailed post for every day I missed all at once, I'm pretty sure very few people, if anyone, would actually go and read them all at once, and I would most likely be driven entirely insane.

So! I'm going to post a catching-up post. XD

First, random picture from the film fest, Flynn and I:

Now. Last Tuesday was the Camps' and the last time I blogged. So...

Wednesday morning, Telpe and I took a long walk in the pouring rain. It was amazing. XD We both got back completely and entirely soaked and chilled, "bedraggled rats", but also pumped full of adrenaline and somewhat giggly. :6:

We got to talk a lot, it was really, really good, and about important stuff, and I love every chance I get to just have a one-on-one conversation with a dear friend.

Wednesday evening and Thursday, I'm pretty sure, just carried on as normal, doing normal things, we might have taken a walk somewhere on Thursday. And by "normal" I mean, carrying on in a normally amazing fashion. :)

-grin- Random picture of Telpe and I:

Friday was still slightly rainy and wet.

Telpe and I went out walking, with an umbrella this time, which we sort of abandoned when the rain mostly stopped. We didn't really get very wet at all this time. But we did talk a lot. ^_^ After awhile we saw Em, and headed off to intercept her, but I spotted Raen parting with her and taking off across the field, and so veered randomly off the path to intercept /her/ instead, leaving Telpe still heading after Em. :P Cue my shoes being drenched. But! I caught up with Raen and accompanied her to get her mail. And got to talk to her a bit. :)

We decided to find Em and Telpe back in Em's dorm, but not after a bit of puddle-jumping. :D

The rest of the time included sitting around in Em's dorm drinking coffee, Raen and I jumping in more puddles on our way to the free-ice-cream afternoon thing, all four of us eating ice cream, meeting a friend of theirs, Mel, saying hi to Flynn who was there too, then Telpe and I randomly joining Em and Mel to watch "Sinbad" while Raen headed home.

I really liked the movie. I'm no good at reviewing movies and my opinion is not to be trusted on movies anyway as I have NO taste :6: but I thought it was awesome and I had a good time. I wasn't really cold, sitting on the couch right next to Em, but once we got up I realised I was seriously cold and was starting to shiver. :P

It was getting closer to suppertime, so Telpe and I headed back after the movie. I was babbling insanely the entire time, and was still in that can't-stop-talking mode by the time we got back to the Burklins'. :oops:

The only other activity that evening was helping out with them cleaning a church. Apparently all the exercise, in the cold and wet, combined with extremely soaked feet the entire time, caffeine, sugar (cold sugar), more wet, then sitting still for two hours watching a movie, then walking back again in the cold after having been soaked a couple days earlier, and not having any water the entire time, did /not/ have a good effect on my system. :6:

While it made me incredibly happy XD it also meant that I was shivering and shaking like mad, very unable to stop, and rather dizzy and out of it the entire rest of the evening and night. I don't remember much of the cleaning, though only spots of that are blurry, or much of any of what happened afterwards. I remember being made to drink water when Raen and Telpe found out i was dizzy, I remember falling down a couple times, I remember Flynn catching and stopping me at least once when I was starting to tip over, and then sending me to bed. :oops: I can be very stubborn when I'm worn out, apparently. O.o

So, that was Friday. XD More detailed than I planned.

Well, the Ren Faire was the next day (Saturday), and I want to make a fairly detailed post for that, so I think I'll change my mind and end this here. I'll work on getting Saturday up soon. ^_^

And then the rest of them. :6:

Safe journeying, and HAHAHA duck,

-Any

Random picture of "cheesy goodness":

At the Camps'

2009-03-11T13:38:00.002-06:00

I think that's how you spell their name, anyway, Camp. XD

Because of my really late night, I ended up oversleeping just enough to miss breakfast in favour of getting ready. I was going with Telpe to her Tuesday art class and then with her and Lucy back to their friends the Camps' house. I also missed out on saying good morning to anyone but Telpe. :oops:

I couldn't think of anything artsy to do, so I just mostly doodled the time away, which was incredibly fun, and some of the girls said they liked what I doodled, but meh.

It ended at around 11:30, I believe, so after meeting the Camps and piling into their van, we headed back to their house for a bit of lunch.

Then we hung out. I wasn't aware of exactly how long we were staying there, but I assumed just a couple hours. So we whittled away the afternoon doing awesome things. Playing Apples to Apples, which was hilarious. Taking a lovely long walk out around the area they live in, which is gorgeous, and taking pictures along the way. Chatting. Playing their Wii.

We turned on Dancing With The Stars and then DDR which are slightly similar but mostly different, both fun dancing games, and had at it, taking turns. It was amazing. XD I'd been fairly exhausted the whole time, and even though I was enjoying myself, it probably didn't look like it because I had zero energy. :oops: But the dancing got me totally woke up and ready to go.

By the time we'd finished with that, it was getting well into evening, and I finally figured out we weren't going back 'til about 9. O.o

Nothing wrong with that, since I was having fun, and they were fun girls, but it sort of surprised me. I hadn't expected to be spending an entire day away from the Burklins'. Towards the end I started to feel a bit lost, perhaps I had the entire time. In spite of feeling natural and normal here, I'm still trying to soak it all up so I don't forget what it's like, and part of me is sure it can't be real. But since my experiences thus far are also pretty solely based here at the Burklins' and around campus, it feels odd to leave.

However, I still had a lot of fun watching movies until we left. And then once we got back, I was totally jittery and hyper. Probably from not having supper or breakfast and only a bit of lunch that I mostly avoided, and being back after an entire day away to find that the Burklin house /did/ still exist. :P

I was forced by Telpe and Raen to eat /something/, and then I followed them outside to watch them brush up on some theatrical swordfighting and hand-to-hand combat, Spencer joined them after a bit, which all looked really awesome.

Afterwards, we came in and had tea, and I got to chat a bit with people and do other various catching-up online while Raen, Telpe, Lina, and I watched an episode of Firefly.

Sitting at my computer later, after everyone was asleep (except Flynn who was out working I believe), while I was attempting and failing to remember to update my blog :6:, I realised again just how much physical touch means to me. Like hugs, leaning against someone, someone leaning against me, shaking hands, a hand on my arm for a second, or even anything random like poking wars...even simply being in close proximity to a friend, talking to them, sitting near them, being in the same room as my friends just...means a lot.

So I was analysing what it means to me, and just why it means so much, what happens to me with it, what happens to me without it...and what's important enough to make me do without it.

Yes, I do a lot of random thinking about things like that.

I eventually went to bed around midnight. And thus ended Tuesday.

Safe journeying, and don't worry--be happy,

-Any

Shopping on Monday

2009-03-11T09:34:00.003-06:00

Monday, the start of another week. I think it basically consisted of waiting around all morning, just hanging out. Telpe and I talked a lot, just sat around and chatted about stuff. I love being able to just sit around and talk to her like that. It still feels like such an uncommon experience for me. It was nice. :)

In the afternoon, Mrs. Burklin took me out shopping looking for cloak material. I was rather shocked speechless when I found out I was getting a cloak. Still am, actually. I mean, me? Actually getting a cloak? Made by Mrs. Burklin? Just for me?! Seriously???

:oops: Yeah. So I'm seriously excited about that... :6:

We found some good material at a good price and a cool colour, and got various things like a clasp and tassle. ^_^

She also took me to this one bookstore that also sells a bunch of other stuff, and has a little cafe place. Their chai is really good, and they have these cranberry cookies that are utterly spectacular. :6:

I really liked hearing some of Mrs. Burklin's stories of various places she's been and people she's met. :)

While we were driving back, I was thinking...it's been a whole week. An entire week that I've been here. The whole week I'd been trying to convince myself I was really here. Now it doesn't feel like, "How can I possibly be here?"...somewhere along the way it changed to, "When was I ever not?"

It feels so normal to be here, to be happy, to be among friends, to just live the daily life they live here. I'm still so overjoyed at the presence of all my friends...but it feels natural. In spite of me not being online very much at all, and in spite of my inherent awkwardness.

Which sort of scares me, in a way; if I'm feeling like this already...what's going to happen to me when it's time to leave?

But I refuse to contemplate it for the moment. Measuring things in goodbyes is not a good habit.

So. We got back and Linny was there, leaving very soon, though. So I got to say hi and hug her just briefly before she left. But I also got to hug Raen who'd been gone all day, and check in with her.

I don't really remember what happened Monday night besides that, except for the fact that I didn't get to bed until really late. :oops:

I'll update Tuesday in a bit. :P

Safe journeying, and Let's Get DANGEROUS,

-Any

Random Pics from last Mon and Tues

2009-03-09T19:01:00.004-06:00

Haha, so Blogger decided to put the pics up backwards, so we start with Tuesday. When we went to the daffodil place:

Linny and I. :) ((in case you don't know what I look like, I'm the one on the right. Linny's the pretty one on the left in the blue shirt. :P ))

From left to right...Lucy, Jasper, Spencer, Linny, me, Raen

This was Monday. At Wal-Mart. in cloaks. B-) Lina, Flynn, and I. Raen was taking the pictures. :P

And...this may or may not have been Monday, but it was a gorgeous sunset picture that I somehow got off Raen's pictures, so, here. :P

I'll update an actual update for /this/ monday soon here. ^_^

Saturday and Sunday

2009-03-09T07:05:00.002-06:00

Two days in one. :6:

Saturday...let's see...I'm having a memory lapse. O.o

I /think/ I just sort of hung out during the morning...not quite sure.

After lunch, the Burklins had a wedding to go to, so I headed over to Linny's to hang out with her for the afternoon. I got to meet her family, and finally meet her cat Sassy, as well as get a tour of her house.

Then we took a walk. After strolling a bit around campus we wandered over to a nice area with several benches, and some beautiful trees in bloom hanging over us. It was a cloudy, awesome, somewhat windy day, and rather quiet in regards to people noises. Perfect weather, we agreed at one point, which then led into a bit of a discussion on what a "perfect day" entailed for us and why it was so much more than the weather and a pleasant situation.

I'm pretty sure we spent a couple hours there, approximately. I couldn't've been happier...Linny was laying against me, though she kept needing to shift positions as the bench kept sliding out from under her, and I was just stroking her hair as we talked and talked.

Eventually, we got up again and headed over to bug Em for awhile. We did more sitting around and just leaning against each other and singing random songs and me drawing on Linny's hand until Linny had to get home to get ready for another concert her and her family were going to that evening. I followed her back, she didn't see the Burklins' van in their driveway, so she took me back to her house and for almost another hour we chatted some more.

I finally dragged myself away about ten minutes before her family was supposed to leave, so she'd still have a bit of time to get ready, and headed back to the Burklins'. I helped Mrs. Burklin a bit in the kitchen while we waited for everyone to get back.

After that we had supper and...Saturday...that was the Film Fest, I believe...yeah. 0o;; Someone correct me if I'm totally insane. :P

Raen went first, as she was a photographer for it, wearing this totally amazing, like, dark-blueish fancy...dress. Yeah. It was awesome. :oops: Flynn, Telpe, and I headed off a bit later. Telpe was wearing a similarish sort of dress as Raen, in a purpley colour. Flynn was wearing a suit, with his cloak, his multicolour umbrella, and this totally random giant green glove. Just one. It was rather awesome. :P

We got there, Caleb joining us partway, and Caleb and Telpe went to sit by Em and Kal. I stayed by Flynn. I won't go into a huge review of the Film Fest as that would be slightly pointless, but it was fun, entertaining, especially the...commentary :6:, and I hadn't been to anything like it before.

We found Raen, but after waiting around awhile for Telpe, we concluded she was with other people and walked back to their home. Thus concluded Saturday.

Sunday, I accidentally slept in and barely made it downstairs for breakfast...Telpe was just about to come up to wake me up, and everyone was, like, staring at me when I walked in, had just started waiting for me or something. -headdesk- That'll teach me to not get up early. :oops:

We got ready for church, and after a bit of a frantic miscommunication, I ended up walking over to Linny's house and went to their church with them instead. I got back to the Burklins' just in time for lunch.

Sunday afternoon consisted of just hanging out, pretty much. Putting on awesome 80's songs and randomly singing and dancing around to them. I drew on Telpe's arm and Lucy's hand by request.

After supper, they had three friends come over, and they, Telpe, Flynn, and Lina played...something...I don't remember what it was called...like DnD or something? for several hours. I hung around, going back and forth from watching, drawing on my arm, and talking to Raen.

When they eventually left, it was rather late and pretty much everyone went to bed. Flynn had a lot of schoolwork to do, however, so he was up for a couple more hours, and I kept him company, for whatever good my company does. :P

Thus ended Sunday.

Safe journeying, and watch out--Sharpies are addictive,

-Any

The Day of the Concert I Didn't Attend

2009-03-07T08:36:00.003-07:00

...for lack of a more creative title. :P

So it was Friday. I got up same time as usual--hah...I love saying that...

So, in the morning, Telpe was going with Flynn to some place where they were having some...thing happening. With a band playing. But not a concert. I didn't catch that part very well. O.o But anyway, she was going to find where her seat was for the concert being held there that night.

I tagged along for fun. I love just walking around with people...walking and being outdoors isn't something I do, like, ever, because usually it means going out in the cold and rough terrain and trying to hike in a very lonely manner. But here, with the lovely weather, the interesting new places to walk, with actual /people/ around, and most especially just being out there with friends, I just can't get over being able to do that...even though I'm not used to walking and I walk slow and it exhausts me quicker than it should and after a few days of doing it I'm totally sore, it makes me happy.

At the place, Telpe found her seat way up in the second balcony, which was for now nearly totally empty, and there was a cool band playing so we decided to stay. Because it was cool up there. :P I really liked just sitting there playing with Telpe's hair while the band played.

We saw a bunch of people on the floor from where we were, including Em, Raen, and Linny...who didn't look up. Once it was over, we ran down the stairs to catch them but they'd totally vanished by then. We met up with Flynn again, though, and after hanging around and talking with various people that they knew in the crowds that were slowly dispersing outside, we headed back to the Burklins' home, where Linny was waiting for us. :P

We hung out and talked for awhile, during a lot of which Linny was leaning against me. She left for lunch, and after our own lunch, and a bit more hanging out watching Flynn play a weird and complicated game, I worked on straightening Telpe's hair. It took forever. But I enjoyed it. :) Halfway through, Linny came back and we moved upstairs, where the other half of Telpe's hair took twice as long with all the chattering going on. It was so, so awesome to just be hanging out doing something girlish like straightening hair and be giggling and having awesome conversations, and after I finished Telpe's hair, having Linny lay her head on my lap again.

Linny was in a totally hyper mood. She was acting incredibly weird in an awesome way, and it was rubbing off on me. So we were constantly giggly and saying wacky things, and Telpe was at least acting mildly put out, we couldn't tell whether she actually was or not, though.

We made tea and they put in some movie--Ben-Hur?--and for awhile I enjoyed just sitting there in the silence with Linny's head on my lap while I played with her hair. But Raen came home and was downstairs, and I decided to see if I could bug her for a bit, so I hugged Telpe and snuck downstairs, where I watched Raen blow-dry her hair and in general work on getting ready for the concert. There was a lot of talk and hype about the concert throughout the day, which I didn't mention until now, but yeah. :P

I think I pretty much just hung out while they all got ready and I waited for Em to get there. Linny left, then Telpe and Raen left, but not without more hugs forced upon them. :6:

Then Em came. I glomped Lucy on my way out, and then hugged Em. I love her hugs. ^_^ So for the next four hours I played cards with Em, Heather (Em's roommate), Che (the guy I met Monday), and some other guy...I don't remember his name. And after that, watched The Incredibles with them plus a few more who were around. Then Em walked me back to the Burklins' home.

About halfway through the movie, I'd started to get really tired, I think, and was nearly falling asleep. That sort of turned into a desire to be back at the Burklins', which morphed into me feeling overwhelmed. As we were walking back, it only got worse. I can't trace my exact thought path at the time, I was so tired I barely remember the walk back, but all I know is that by the time I got back to the Burklins', I was close to bursting into tears, not necessarily of upsetness, just being overwhelmed again, and tired, and all.

Flynn was already back from the concert, but Telpe and Raen got some special passes or something, so I had awhile before they got back. I got online and chatted with a friend for awhile, which made me feel less-whacked-out by the time they got back. And once they were back, they were so hyper and full of adrenaline that I couldn't help but laugh and hug and be happy with them. ^_^ I got to see a ton of pictures and the cute little Chik-Fil-A (sp?) cows that they got for some reason. :P

After awhile they calmed down, and everyone started going to bed. I got a long hug that pretty much fixed my random emotional state for the night and then I went to bed, too.

Stay tuned tonight for Saturday's update. :P

Safe journeying, and Eat Mor Chikin,

-Any

Green Sidewalks and Vanishing Acts

2009-03-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

:P Makes it sound like a magic show or something.

Today, I got up at what I assume will become my "usual" time of getting up around here.

After breakfast, Telpe and I walked over to Longview Hall to get her an energy drink, which was called Full Throttle--as they were out of Monster. She got hyper really fast. -grin-

The little description thing on the can--quite ridiculous, by the way--ended with the phrase, "Go Full Throttle or Go Home" and she decided to take a random liking/obsession to it. Which was awesome. :P She wrote it on her arm. We made cookies while she was drinking the stuff. It was awesome to watch her get more and more hyper as time went on.

We played some card games in the remaining time between then and lunch. Mostly Uno, or rather, Crazy Uno. Or something to that effect. It was totally awesome. I was laughing so hard, like, the entire time. I love those sorts of games. ^_^

Then, later on, once lunch had been consumed and various people had fled the house on their various schedules, Telpe decided we needed some activity to keep us busy until Linny came over and could make all the decisions for us. :6:

I hope I'm not bothering Raen every time I go over to hug her. She just sits over there all the time and I can't help myself. I like hugging her and being around her. ^_^

So we had some tea, to wait for Linny, and then Telpe wanted to randomly test something. So she grabbed some food-colouringed-green water and went outside and poured it on the driveway. Just about a cupful. It really looked awesome, but then we had to get the hose to wash it off--luckily it didn't stain. XD

That was just totally random, though. It rocked.

After that, we stood around and played with Lucy's "Polly Pocket"s for awhile, just randomly sticking outfits and mismatched shoes on them. And such. It's totally insane and pointless and random, but stuff like that is so much fun. Just to be silly and pointless and random with a hyper friend and laugh at absolutely nothing. :)

Raen was off to judge some sort of film fest. Telpe and I decided to walk her over there, so we did. Then we headed back, and met Linny on the way. As predicted. :6:

We headed up to a hill for awhile, just sat there for a bit. Linny layed down leaning against me and I smiled. Little things like that make my day. :)

Linny brought up the idea of rolling down the hill, and Telpe decided to do so. I stood at the top and watched them both roll. Insane people. :P

We met Heather, Em's roommate, and then wandered over to see Em in her dorm. After a bit, Telpe had to leave to go to work, so I hung out with just Linny and Em. That was an incredibly soothing, relaxing amount of down time. I can't describe how much it means to just sit there talking a bit and mostly listening to the random, drowsy-sounding chatter of two good friends, while just sitting there leaning against Em, while she did Linny's back. :)

Finally, Em had to go to supper, and Linny wanted to go over and walk Raen from the film thing to work at the library, so we left there and headed over to the building she was in. We waited around for awhile, but didn't see her. Then Kal walked by. So I got to meet her, and then after waiting a bit longer, decided Raen must already have gone to work, and went back with Kal to meet some adorable rats. ^_^

A bit later we left, and Linny had to literally run home since she was late. So instead of trying to trek back to the Burklins' house on my own, I hung out at the library to wait for Raen to be done working and walk home with her. Em found me there accidentally and said hi again, and hung out with me for a few minutes towards the end of Raen's time. She figured out that I'd been out all afternoon and evening, hadn't eaten supper, had been walking all over the place which I'm not used to, and hadn't been drinking. :oops: So she made me drink half a cup of water right before I left.

I'd rather enjoyed my time out--it'd been active and stimulating and I'd been with friends and I got to meet Kal and some adorable rats, have some really good down-time, and figure out how the library computers work.

But...I sort of forgot to tell anyone where I was going, and when Flynn showed up for work at the library when we were leaving, he let me know that nobody had known where I was all afternoon and evening, and assumed I was with friends, but, yeah. :oops:

We got back to their house and Telpe commented on my vanishing act. Lucy and Spencer also both saw me and said something about it. :oops:

So...yeah. Moronic move of the day. :P

-thinks-
After that, I can't remember what else we might have done. I believe we may have watched a Monk episode. My brain's fried, so I can't think that far back, now. XD

Anyway, sorry for late updateness. I shall update for Friday tomorrow morning (probably).

Safe journeying, and stay away from tapes of clowns,

-Any

Of Long Talks and Cloaked Walks

2009-03-04T22:14:00.002-07:00

XD Yeah, yeah, I know. -grin-

So, Wednesday, I got up with the morningers. I plan to every morning. :P We had breakfast, though Flynn and Raen headed off, no time to join us.

After finishing up my killed blog post from the previous evening, I put down my laptop and Telpe and I went on a walk around the campus. We ended up sitting around on a bench for awhile just talking.

^_^

Then we came back, there was lunch, Flynn went back out to sit in on a class, and Telpe went up to take a nap. I got 'dragged' outside to watch Jasper send his construction down the ramp and stayed out there for a bit. Then Linny came around the corner. She'd gone in the other way and had been looking for someone, and finally found me. :P

Once Jasper found another activity to distract him, we stopped watching him and found a place to sit down and talk. Everyone was gone or occupied, so we had a really nice long talk. :) It was quite...refreshing? :oops:

Eventually Flynn, Em, and Raen came back, and we woke up Telpe. Telpe, Raen, Flynn, and I all ended up at computers. Linny was by Raen. Em came over by me and played with my hair for the longest time, which was so awesome, but so relaxing that I was seriously in this half-asleep state. :oops:

J.B. came over for a bit, so I got to meet him. He hung out with Flynn, Em went in the other room to see Telpe, and I went to hang out next to Raen and Linny. Raen went in to make pizza, so Linny and I followed her in.

We were ALL pretty much randomly chattering and laughing at that point. It was awesome. I love just having people around that can randomly make me laugh, that I can randomly touch and hug and poke and lean against and smell, that I can listen to, that I can talk to, that I can just hang around and watch and know that they accept me, to an extent even /want/ me there.

Then we had supper, which was incredibly tasty. B-)

After which, Raen, Linny, Telpe, and Flynn decided to go on a walk, with cloaks! So I got to borrow a cloak again. It was incredibly awesome. Walking with four amazing friends in Texas at night on a clear, warm night, with CLOAKS. I was on a total bubbly high for the first bit, and Linny appeared every bit as randomly hyper as I was. :6: We kept cracking up. Everything's funny when you're happy, I s'pose... :) I swear, that's one of the best feelings in the world right there...I wish that could happen more often. :P

I got to meet one of their friends, Caleb, who stayed with us the entire rest of the walk. It was fabulous. I got to hug Telpe, and Raen a lot, and Linny a lot more ((she's just so /huggable/ :6: )).

We went into this one building...I don't remember what it was called :oops: bad memory. I think that was our destination. Raen played piano, beautiful, just to stand there and hear her the whole time. While she was doing so, Flynn and Caleb were talking and Telpe was over by them listening. I sort of kept up with the conversation's direction, but most of the time I was thinking. And watching Linny.

She'd climbed up to the balcony thing and was sitting along the edge, in a rather poetic-looking-ish position. She really is incredibly good at looking perfectly posed. And awesome /in/ the pose. :6: Her cloak was draping off the side next to her, with her hair draping down the cloak. In the huge-ceilinged, old building, framed by the white of the balcony she was sitting on. It was rather amazing. I will probably never forget that image. And I don't think we even took pictures. As I said, that was probably one of the things I'll remember most about her.

When Raen decided she was done, we exited and continued on our merry way, back to laughing, but not quite so bubbly as first starting out. It sort of slowly increased as we left the atmosphere of calm and were back to the walking. In me, anyway.

But it couldn't last forever. :P So eventually we got back, I hugged Flynn, we all went in and got dessert, giggled and chatted, walked Linny home, chattered on the way, hugged more--I like hugs, can you tell?--and got back.

Just in time to be able to talk, for a little bit, at least, with my very dear Hood. I'm quite glad that I finally got to talk to her again. :oops: I hope I get to more than infrequently here soon. :6:

Then we watched Monk, and then I sat around on the computer chatting with people and having yet another long talk. :oops:
And then we get to now, when I'm going to bed. :P

Safe journeying, and don't get captured to the roof by bogeymen,

-Any

Daffodils and Other Things

2009-03-03T11:55:00.004-07:00

Okay, so, I woke up. It was awesome. Because I woke up at the Elf Family's house. I woke up same time as everyone else, so I wandered downstairs after chatting a bit with Telpe and Lucy. Said goodmorning to people. :)

Today we were going out to some daffodil place. Linny came over, as did two of Mrs. Burklin's friends. By that time, I'd already gotten used to--well, eh, sort of. :)--seeing Raen or Telpe or Flynn and going "hey...that's them!" and wasn't doing it quite so frequently or startledly. But Linny it was still like, wow. :oops:

We took Telpe to her art class and then Raen, Linny, Mrs. Burklin and her two friends, Jasper, Lucy, and Spencer all went to the daffodil place. It was seriously awesome. There were a lot of dead, wilted flowers, but there were also some new blooming ones. It was actually very pretty. Everyone took a ton of pictures. I'm still all O.o about the pictures because I'm not used to anyone taking pictures or even having cameras that often around, to just...take pictures. :P

Raen took a /lot/ of them. I'm sort of scared to see where they'll end up. XD And I would seriously post some of the pictures here but I don't have them. :oops: I'll have to wait 'til Raen posts them somewhere and I snag them...or maybe I'll get up the courage to go ask. :6:

Anyway, that was awesome. I just can't get over it. Being able to just...randomly hug people. Whether they like it or not. Physical contact and closeness seriously means...a lot to me. Riding in the car with Linny right next to me was just really nice. A rare sort of nice, rare for me anyway. And then just being able to reach around and hug her and have her lean against me for so long. That was...amazing. I'm no longer quite as freaked at seeing Linny suddenly there. ;)

So we got back just in time for Raen to go to class, Telpe was already back, Flynn was off doing something but he got back for lunch. Linny, I think, walked Raen to class and then went home. Mrs. Burklin's friends stayed for lunch.

Then we meandered over to the computers. Well, Flynn did and I followed to grab my laptop. Telpe was sitting around near us and I was sort of half-checking on things. Telpe said that we had to do something else than be online, so I put down my computer and we proceeded to think up something to do. I wasn't paying much attention to the conversation, well, I was, but not to the point where I committed it to memory, and I wasn't in a very coherent mood. But I did catch the line: "No, no chickens. Chickens are not part of the ceremony."

O.o
It's totally awesome that I'm here actually being able to hear totally awesome random things like this.

Eventually, though, Telpe and Flynn decided that they would give me a tour of the campus. So off we went. I walk a lot slower, yeah, so they kept having to stop and wait for me in attempts to walk slow enough for me to catch up. :oops:

But they showed me all the places I'd heard about, plus most of the ones I hadn't. We walked all over the place, and around and in through buildings. B-) I got to see the library that I always hear about. :D It was so surreal, and yet so incredibly real. I can't say this enough-- I REALLY love just being able to reach out and hug people. Some of my favourite moments of the two days so far are when I'm hugging people, like when I reached out and hugged Telpe while Flynn was off talking to people and we just stayed like that for, like, the entire time--they're the moments I know I'll remember most. :oops:

After probably over an hour walking around and being shown things, we finally headed back. I got a headache, for many reasons, some of which were overwhelmedness, sleeping wrong, and walking too much when I already had a headache. :6: But it's a happy headache. I can't complain. I'm practically grinning foolishly at the fact that I got a headache /IN TEXAS!/ :oops:

We got back, sitting around on computers. I think Raen did homework, I'm not sure. I sat on the chair right behind/next to Flynn which I think I might have unofficially claimed as my spot, for the moment. :P I like it. Closeness means a lot, and just being so close to a good friend is just... yeah. I'm clingy. XD I just keep invading everyone's personal space and clinging to them or hanging around them. :6: But I like that spot. I'm over on another table now but I'll probably randomly snag it again when I'm not on the computer and want to stare at someone. :P

I keep wanting to go over and hug Raen, too, while she's sitting over at her computer so quietly but I don't want to scare her away or bother her. :P Yet. I'm sure I'll start doing so soon, though. :6:

I really love just...sitting around here. Just absorbing the fact that I'm around friends. Listening to awesome random Songs To Wear Pants To. Looking up and seeing Flynn right there, watching Telpe walk by or smile at me, seeing Raen or Mrs. Burklin sitting there, listening to Jasper or Lucy chattering away, just... :) makes my day all over again.

And it's awesome when Flynn does something random like poking my computer, or putting something on my head, or touching things, or poking me, or saying something funny, or randomly humming. It's like, gah, he's real!

Which, of course, is a good thing for friends to be. XD

As I was sitting around, however, I made the 'mistake' of telling Mangy that I was feeling overwhelmed (though...not in a bad way...I just hadn't had any time to process anything) and had a headache. She said I needed to go somewhere, preferably outside, and sit alone for awhile. I started putting up a protest about how I didn't want to leave, so she contacted Flynn and told him to put me outside. :oops:

So he did. But Jasper was out there playing for awhile, so Flynn ended up staying out there chatting with me. That was...nice. :) Getting time just to be alone with a friend, IN REAL LIE, able to just talk to them for a bit, not being awkward because of the other people around, just getting to have a conversation--even if he was the one doing most of the talking--is something I haven't had often at all thus far, and obviously not with these guys. So that was really nice. :) And that's one thing I hope to get to do more while I'm here...

Raen came out for a minute to tell me that Em was going to steal me for the night, and I got to hug her again.

Eventually Flynn went back inside, though, since I was /supposed/ to be gathering my thoughts. :6:

So I gathered for awhile, and then I got bored, so I took out my Sharpie and doodled on my hand while I continued thought-gathering. :P My headache never did go away. Em came and stole me, and we went to her infamous Taco Tuesday. Em is seriously awesome. I loved just being able to randomly hug her. ^_^ Taco Tuesday was crowded, but fun, and 'her baby' was so cute. :) I figured out that I hadn't really had anything to drink anytime recently, and that dehydration was a cause of the headache. Proven right when I started drinking a lot and it started to go away. :oops: though it didn't completely go away until I went to sleep.

Anyway, we went back to the library after that to meet up with Raen. I said hello to Flynn who was just getting there, and then after saying goodbye (for now) to Em, I walked back to the Burklin home with just Raen. It wasn't a long time, but we still got to talk a bit. I know she's been going through a lot with some issues that are going on, so I'd been wanting to talk for quite awhile, so yeah. It was...good. -nods- Little random special moments like that make life worth living, I swear.

Then we walked up toward the door and suddenly we noticed Telpe sitting there. Which totally caught us off guard all O.o! We were being very unobservant. As Raen said, I think it was the Sharpie talk we'd just started distracting us. :6:

So I made the cloaked Telpe come back inside for tea with us. ^_^ And, while we drank it, we watched the Moot Play '08. -grin- I'd never watched it with anyone who was actually in it (though I had technically watched it before at Mangy's house, and she was there, just not acting in it). It was so awesome to hear the commentary. :P After that, we watched Monk. And then I took a shower, got my stuff all unpacked, and sat around online attempting to blog.

By the time everyone went to bed, Flynn came back, worked on reading for school, and was ready to go to bed himself, I actually got an entire post written up, and then my browser crashed and it hadn't saved. :doh:

But meh, I just said goodnight to Flynn, and went to bed myself and finished writing it up now. I'm finding it very hard to equally attempt to distribute random thoughts about everyone throughout my posts...I'm thinking that in a few more days once I get a bit more accustomed to everyone being around, I might write up little blog entries about each of them and my initial impressions and thoughts on them from the first couple days separately... We'll see. ^_^ And now I must be off for another day.

Safe journeying, and wouldn't YOU like to know?!

-Any

Catch-up and Arrival

2009-03-02T22:36:00.002-07:00

Okay,
so,
let's see.
We left on Thursday early morning and I was rather glad to be on the road, even though it was early. After so much anticipation, realising that it was finally happening, I was seeing that house for the last time in two months, was...weird. But...in a good way. ^_^

We drove all day. The first half, basically, I drove. It was really, really nice. My dad was occupied, my mom was in the back seat watching movies on a portable DVD player or sleeping or something. My brother was playing games. I had the window down, music up loud, just driving along the whole way. Beautiful open roads, nice day, good weather. It was nice.

The second half it was getting dark. My dad was driving. There was no music, and the whole family joined in the conversation. A lot of it was totally random and funny. Some of it wasn't. By the end I was seriously ready to be done with everyone and hide away in my and my brother's hotel room online. :P

The next three days at the hotel, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, were... agh. Not too bad, really. But a lot of the time I was just anxious and stressed and worrying and freaking out and wanting to BE THERE already. :6: Since we were basically only 4 hours away or so. Seriously. It was soooo hard to just SIT THERE. But I had my laptop, and it wasn't too bad hanging out with the guys geocaching one morning, the kids babysitting them one evening, and the gals stamping while I was online pretending I didn't know them the rest of the time.

FINALLY Monday got here. Finally. We got up early, ate breakfast, which I couldn't handle too much of with my freakout/panic in full swing, as well as excitement. We drove off, and I did some driving, but then my dad took over for most of the rest of it. I took a small nap, not having gotten THAT much sleep the previous night, against my initial plan. :6:

Then I sat and freaked out for about an hour. And now this is going to be in broken sentences because once we entered Longview I went into a weird state of mind. I'll try to recreate it. XD

I grabbed my cell phone. I said I should probably call Telpe now. My mom said yeah, I should. I stared at my phone. My mom said, uh, did you call yet? I said, no, I don't think I have. Then I picked up my phone and called. And said something awkwardly I don't remember. Then I put my phone away, straightened my hair, and stared out the window. It was only a few minutes now.

My mom made random comments on signs. I don't even remember what they were or what I said but I think I laughed. We turned onto the road. My mouth was dry. I choked out their address but I'd already seen pictures of their house and I pointed. My dad pulled in. I saw Spencer walking up their driveway to the house and I was all, "Hey. That's Spencer."

Then we started getting out of the car. My brother was just sitting there. I don't remember if he ever got out or not. My mom was doing something in the car and my dad was too I think. I really wasn't paying attention. I'd told Telpe I would refuse to knock on their door and would stand out their until they came out. I guess she remembered. I saw her and LInny come out their front door and down the path. I walked around the car to them slowly. A few feet away I decided it was too awkward, so I suddenly broke into a run.

Then I was hugging Telpe. I clung for a bit. Then I was hugging Linny. As tight as possible. She was all, you're smelling me aren't you? I pulled away and shakily laughed and said yeah, of course. The other people out of the house were Mrs. Burklin and Flynn. I hugged Mrs. Burklin as she introduced herself even though I knew who she was, maybe she was telling my parents. I think she went over to talk to them. I don't know. I was hugging. Telpe again. Half-hugging Linny on my way to Flynn. Then I was standing in front of Flynn. I think I might have said hi. Then I was hugging Flynn. He let go and tried to pull away but I pretty much didn't let him and hugged him for another several seconds against his will. :P

Then he hung back and I went back to the shaky laughter and smiling and hugging Telpe and Linny all over again. They were the only ones there, as expected. My parents were getting my stuff out of the car. I grabbed the other stuff. They kept asking me was that all? And I was all yes, yes, of course, I packed and planned way too carefully to miss anything. I brought my stuff in, helped out majorly by Linny and Telpe. I walked through their house and up to Telpe and Raen's room in a daze.

I put my stuff down. I sort of stared at it, then around the room, then at the two girls. I was there? Gosh. That was Telpe, standing there, really. Linny, she existed! Experimentally, in a distantly interested way, I held up my hand. It was shaking like mad. You know when you hold your hand up in that "eh, so-so" gesture? Mine was shaking nearly that bad, very rapidly. I was seriously breathing so shakily it's amazing I got any oxygen at all. XD

Linny noticed, and was sort of, aww, and then hugged me again. And didn't let me go for a bit. I think Telpe hugged me again, too. I was probably grinning the whole time.

We came back down. I noticed the kettle on. My parents were in the kitchen, and I said goodbye to them. My mom said to walk them out, so I did. She gave me the money I earned organising her craft room, so I wouldn't be broke (at first :6: ) while I'm here and be forced to stare at walls. :P

And then they were gone, driving off. Everyone went back inside. Flynn went off to work without a word to me, and I barely even noticed. :oops: I didn't notice anything. Mrs. Burklin suggested I get settled, but we got up there and Linny, just looking at me, said we should go get tea instead. So we did. And were laughing and chattering like crazy. Mostly them. I was mostly silent. :oops: I honestly couldn't think of anything to say. I was just happy.

Totally unable to decide anything, though. :6: Like "do you want tea?" or "do you want this mug?" or "do you take sugar?" or "decaf or caffeinated?" I just kept saying "uh...I don't know! Stop asking me things! I can't process anything yet!" :P

Eventually we managed tea, and we got to the front steps. Where we proceeded to laugh and spill all our tea all over ourselves. Telpe started it, but Linny and I finished. What with her choke-laughing and spewing her tea back into her mug and then choking some more, and me dumping half of it down my knee. Fun times. And I'm NOT being sarcastic. :D

I don't recall exactly everything we talked about, but it was nice. Fun. Amazing. :)

After that, we came back inside for a minute, and I was starting to calm down. I think the tea helped. :) In a big way. As well as the whole, y'know, BEING AROUND THE TEXANS thing. :6:

It's getting late, so now that initial getting-there is over with, I'm going to speed it up a bit. :6: Even though I still remember so many details that I want to relate, both in what I already typed and what I'm going to... :6: Oh well.

So we walked over to the campus to meet Em and Raen. Em was first, she was already there waiting. I seriously couldn't get enough hugs from her. From anyone really. :) But she kept hugging me, and it was awesome. She was so happy that I was there. ^_^

Linny's constant laughter, Telpe's cheerfulness and chatter, and Em's delighted aura, and ALL their hugs, were more than enough to overwhelm me. :)

We found Raen as she was getting out of her class I think, and I hugged her. She was quiet, but smiling. Then all of us stood around for the longest time just chatting away. Actually, they were all chatting. Raen said the least, besides me. Some other guy...I don't know his name...but he was cool...he stood around talking with us, doing MOST of the talking really, for most of the time. When he left, we all pretty much did.

Em, after several more hugs, went back to her dorm, and the four of us went back to the Burklins' house. Where I refused to go up the steps before Telpe, and Linny solved our problem and made it so we didn't have to stand there all day, by suggesting we go together. once we got to the top, it was narrow, and we thought we'd reached an impasse, but then I tackled Telpe into the house and therefore won. XD

Raen proceeded to be poked by Linny until she made a sandwich, since she hadn't eaten. Well, apparently they figured out that I hadn't either, so there were two sandwiches made. We watched random videos on Raen's computer until we were done eating, and then more until Telpe left for work. She had stuff drawn all over her arm, which was awesome. I liked looking around and seeing Telpe with her arm standing there, and Linny playing with Raen's hair, and just realising I was there. :)

Wondering what they were all thinking, too... <<
:ninja:

Maybe I'll find out a way to ask them that someday. XD

Then Telpe left and Raen decided to check her mail, so Linny and I went with her. I don't walk fast. :P So they kept having to slow down, but ah well.

Linny kept looking over at me, noticing things I'm sure. I felt watched, in an awesome way. I tried to stay behind her, but she wouldn't let me, so finally I got behind her and glomped her. :P

We ran into Flynn, not literally of course ;), and he decided to come with us. So we made our way over most of the rest of the way, Flynn walking backwards and looking at me more often and being less seemingly-unsure about me, which was nice.

We ran into Em and another friend. :D Almost literally, as Flynn was running backwards towards them. XD And in fact, Em glomped me from behind when they caught up. :D Then hugged me several times. By the time she finished introducing me to her friend, the other three were already ahead of me and I had to hurry to catch up. They were walking down stairs backwards. O.o

We went in, got Flynn and Raen's mail, and headed back. I was hanging back talking to Linny while Raen was telling Flynn about a dream she had. I was somehow dual processing--not something I'm good at on a normal basis, let alone when I'm on overload, but I somehow did. XD And so I heard about the dream. Linny, however, tuned back in time only to hear "...I liked it better before we all turned into bees." or something. XD Which she posted on the CP quote thread. :P

We got back to the Burklins', Everyone went to their computers to do homework, I would imagine, Linny went home, and I was mostly hanging around Raen's area sort of standing there, not knowing what to do, so I texted Midget. :P Then it was getting-ready-for-supper-time. Flynn was put in charge of me while Raen went to go do something. ^_^

Then we had supper, which was good. :) Lots of awesome funny chatter and random goings-on. It rocked. Seriously. I realised at that moment I was content. In an amazing way. :oops:

Then Lina and Flynn needed to go to Walmart, so Raen decided to go, too. So, of course, I went. :P They all got on their cloaks and I was all, okay, that's awesome. Then Raen offered to let me borrow one of their older ones and I blinked. Seriously? So I got to borrow a cloak and all decked out in cloaks, we roamed Walmart. It was amazing.

I cried. Literally. In the car on the way there, while laughing, in the dark, in the back of the car, with Raen and Flynn there, real, just hanging out with me as if I was always there, making me laugh... yeah. I teared up. But got my composure together by the time we reached Walmart and did crazy twirly I'm-in-a-cloak dances. :P

After Walmart we came back and just sort of hung out. I'm sure various people were doing various things, but I was just hanging out. Got my laptop, which Flynn helped me connect to the internet on. Then I didn't feel like sitting way out in the living room on the couch with nobody around, so I grabbed a chair that's basically right behind Flynn's as mine. :P So he keeps reaching around and poking me now. It's awesome.

We watched Monk, everyone but Raen, who I went over and hugged more. :6: We had more tea. :D Flynn had on random awesome music. I've been chatting a bit and catching up with online stuff and then seriously blogging this blog entry STRAIGHT for well over an hour. :oops: I think everyone went to bed and abandoned me now. XD I really ought to go, so it's a good thing this is almost over. ;)

So, yeah, I'm here, and I'm awesome, and happy, so happy that everyone and everything went over smooth, that everyone seems really glad that I'm here, nobody's still hiding in the shadows and staring at me suspiciously with shifty eyes that make me want to hide. XD Not like that would happen.

And...wish I could list a million other details and things we did and things that were said and awesomeness that was had, but I can't, and won't bother trying, because those will all just hide away in my mind and compile themselves into my overall feeling of happiness even if I one day forget things like Flynn suddenly being there when I turn around or Telpe talking about what her writings on her arm mean. Or something Linny said. Or what videos Raen showed me. Or how Jasper kept going on and on about Trillian. How cute she was. How Lucy spent forever making little awesome pipe cleaner figures, and gave one to me that was me. :P -grins-

As I said to Em earlier, "Is it possible to go from anxious to the point of being sick, worried, annoyed/displeased... to content and happy and feeling amazing with the world in under 12 hours? Because if it is, that just happened."

:oops:

So I shall turn in for the night now, as you all probably breathe a sigh of relief. XD

Safe journeying, and pants,

-Any

:6: Oops

2009-02-18T08:27:00.002-07:00

Hah. XD Okay, so, obviously I'm bad at updating every day,
but,
I finally remembered to update right now.
Yay! :P

So...quick update...
Sunday, had some nice long talks with Midget and Linny. What started out as a same-old, not-good day actually ended pretty well. :) Then I got to sleep by an actual normal time that night. :6:

Monday I woke up early, got to say good morning to the Morningers, made myself some pancakes and eggs for breakfast, and had a nice, relaxing, quiet, undisturbed morning. I was strangely just happy. For a bit.

Then my brother got up and turned the TV on. Over the course of the day, from 7:30am to 7:30pm... 12 HOURS... he had the TV on nonstop. Usually the TV is on a lot around the house, which is annoying, but just having he and I awake and nothing else happening but the TV, for that long in a row...gah. I slowly went mad.

Seriously, as the day wore on and I was keeping myself busy doing various things, I just kept getting more and more tense (the TV makes me tense and gives me headaches), and more and more ready to strangle someone or smash something. My brother, unsurprisingly, was rude and unresponsive to any attempt of mine to ask him to turn it off for a bit. I took a bit of a walk but it was windy and freezing so that didn't last terribly long, though it was a nice bit of a break at least.

After I came back I was attempting to feedback a story for Telpe, but I couldn't even concentrate on anything, not chatting, just...couldn't concentrate. Especially not for feedback. The TV was starting to literally drive me out of my mind. If my arch enemy captures me and wants to torture me one day, all he has to do is plug in a TV set, turn it on in the same room as me, and wait. >.<

At around 7pm, I honestly couldn't take it. I locked myself in the bathroom and had a breakdown. It probably seems really silly to have a breakdown over a TV set, and it rather is. But I did mention I was going mad. Finally my dad came home, my mom woke up, the TV got a break, and I got to work on feedback in peace. Then I went to bed, not quite so frantic anymore.

Tuesday, got up early again, had some nice time to myself before my brother got up, and then the TV wasn't on so much because my brother opted for computer games instead. Mostly a slow day. Later on I went to church with my dad. I was glad to go...it's been too long. But it did remind me why people used to say I was frighteningly shy. People scare me. <<

Not little kids, or people my age, or people close to my age, or adults who are used to dealing with people my age, or outgoing people. Mostly just adults I don't know, who are themselves awkward, aren't used to talking to people my age, don't really want/care to talk to me, respond badly to things I say, are totally unlike me in any way, or more elderly people. XD

They scare me, and I clam up, get really quiet, shy, awkward, and barely say more than "hi" and nod and nervously smile a bit, and shuffle out the door. :oops:

Which is why I was that way for most of my life. :P No wonder I was shocked when I found myself doing things like standing on chairs doing epic-pants-dances. ;)

Anyway, that was last night. I got some good sleep, and this morning had another of those nice, quiet, me-mornings. And breakfast. I could get used to this. ^_^

Of course, now I'm dreading the rest of today, which involves a shopping trip, being alone with both my parents, not having access to talking to friends most of the day, and the last chance which I HAVE to take now, for me to bring up a certain talk with my mom and dad. The same one that I'd been writing that letter about.

>.< I'm freaking out. But yeah. I'll make it through. Like I said, I'll make it to Texas, even if I arrive there twitching... :P

Safe journeying, and Get Your Own Box!

--Any

Sleepy much?

2009-02-15T03:39:00.003-07:00

Saturday was weird.

Not much happened in the morning. Did usual stuff. I sent a letter that I wrote to my mom to my dad so he could look over it. Shortly thereafter I was sent to bed by Emerwen. :P I think my body likes me getting sleep--I seriously slept over 12 hours, in spite of alarms. O.o Missed out on talking to Hood the second night in a row (-twitch-).

I FINALLY woke up at around 3am and came back upstairs. Trying to catch up on stuff I've missed on CP, wishing there was someone online to talk to. Checked my email and...stuff my dad said in response to the letter makes me want to cry. And my emotional state is on thin ice already. And my mom's awake and in her craft room so I can't turn on music...though I might anyway.

And when I send this letter to my mom it's going to make everything worse. Just keep repeating to myself, 15 days, 15 days. One day over two weeks. I can make it--even if I arrive in Texas twitching. :P

I think I shall end my post now...I really ought to find something more interesting and less depressing/crazy to post about for Sunday. XD Something someone would actually be interested in. -eyeroll-

Safe journeying, and I hope you have the time of your life,

--Any

Friday (that's about all I can say for it)

2009-02-13T23:59:00.003-07:00

"This is not my best day ever."

Today...
was pretty sucky. :P To tell the truth.

It was Free Hug day, which sucks for someone who's got nobody to hug. It's like life rubbing it in your face just when you thought you were coming to terms with your situation.

Don't get me wrong--my friends are amazing, incredible blessings, all of them, and I'm more than lucky to have communication with them in any way. :) But sometimes it isn't quite /enough/, bad as that sounds. Some days you're just that down, just that lonely, and all you can do is try to make it through the day.

Today was one of those days, which is why I can't seem to find much to say about it. I did get my hair purpley, which I'll try to remember to take pictures of tomorrow. Otherwise, though, it was a day of doing nothing, of chatting to friends, and failing at not spreading my unhappiness, and of moping.

For most of the day I was just in a slump, actually, I didn't want to do anything, talk to anyone, think, feel, I just was numb and I wanted to curl up in a corner wishing I had the energy to cry, wishing there was someone to hold me.

But, you have to move on. Can't be that way forever. So eventually... I stopped. Put that aside. Got up, even though everyone else was sleeping, and started making myself do things. Just making myself function on a basic level, and the rest of me started coming back. Especially once I got my music on (compy still broke, but my lovely CD player keeps me company).

You can't live in the moment forever--you have to pick yourself up, put yourself back together. Not that you can ever put yourself back together completely--I mean, the reason I fall apart when I'm here is because vital pieces of me are left behind with my friends. But you at least have to put yourself together again with what pieces you can find, enough to hobble through until you make it back to the people who can /really/ keep you together again.

And my anticipatory excitement is creeping back through the numbness. :) 16 days as of Saturday, Feb 14th.

Another thing, today and tomorrow were/are To Write Love On Her Arms day. So I wrote Love on my arms. I do that every day, actually... but today I wrote it bigger. :) www.twloha.com

Safe journeying, because I hear the human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.

--Any

I think I shall part with lyrics--the song that's playing right now. I like it.

What you got if you ain't got love,
the kind that you just want to give away?
It's okay to open up;
go ahead and let the light shine through.
I know it's hard on a rainy day--
you want to shut the world out
and just be left alone,
but don't run out on your faith.

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand,
and what you've been out there searching for forever
is in your hands.
When you figure out love is all that matters after all,
it sure makes everything else
seem so small.

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time--
it's like a river that's so wide
it swallows you whole.
While you sit around thinking
'bout what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things,
time's flying by, moving so fast--
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back.

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand,
and what you've been out there searching for forever
is in your hands.
When you figure out love is all that matters after all,
it sure makes everything else
seem so small...

Hydrogen Peroxide

2009-02-12T21:42:00.002-07:00

Okay, so I said I'd try to remember to update every day. So, here's today's update.

I decided to put hydrogen peroxide in my hair.

Before you try to work out a logical explanation, you might be comforted by the knowledge that I did it for the same reason I drew a happy face on the side of my face this morning, wore three pairs of 3D goggles until I got dizzy, like standing on chairs, and wear mismatched socks daily.

So for about 24 hours I kept the ends of my hair soaked in hydrogen peroxide. It smells horrible. But it totally worked. My hair's long enough and dark enough that you can't necessarily tell a difference unless you're me and you're used to looking at my hair all the time. :P But comparing the bottom of my hair back to the top, you can totally tell. I think it's awesome. :6:

A Summary Catch-Up Post Because I'm Lazy And It's My Blog So Hah

2009-02-12T02:23:00.003-07:00

XD Yeah. I know. :oops:

Okay, Friday, was awesome. We totally had Balto over all day. That rocked. We watched the '08 Moot Play, looked at a ton of old pictures and videos from past Moots, had some incredibly delicious soup, and made Balto some Epic Pants of her own. Legolas came over and helped draw all over them. B-) We made Flynn a corner, then we made Anyland right above it. So when I stuck some random things in Flynn's Corner, we decided it meant that Anyland must have declared war on it. :P Mangy drew a totally amazing teacup, plus designs on the pockets. :D Legolas drew a really cool dragon. ^_^

After that was over, we went out to the movie--Inkheart. That was a totally awesome movie. I'm glad we got to go. Legolas decided she was going to obsess over Dustfinger. :P We grabbed something to eat at McDonald's and then went back to Mangy's for a bit. Chatted. Fun stuff. :) Then we took Balto back to meet up with her brother to take her home. We went back to Mangy's again, sat around chatting for awhile, then Legolas headed home, but I was going to get to see her the next day as I was going to spend Saturday and then part of Sunday at her house.

I watched TV for awhile with Mangy, it was my last night there, and then went back downstairs, put on the Happy Songs CD, and refused to update my blog since I was too tired to even think. :P

Saturday, I got up and Mangy made waffles--the Alton Brown way. Oh yeah. B-) I helped as much as I could. ^_^ It was awesome. Then I proceeded to frantically put together my feedback for CP so I wouldn't get kicked off until March :oops: as it was my last day to do so. :6:

After that, I said goodbye to Mangy and Everest, even though I'd see Mangy again that night--and eevveennttuuaallllyy finished saying goodbye and took off. I found Legolas' house without too much trouble. I met her family really quick and then her older sister took Legolas and I out to lunch. We chatted and were totally random and everything. :D It was fun.

We went back to their house and the rest of the time was spent playing games, talking, chatting, being random, and then eating dinner. It was really nice. :) Their family is just so...happy. Her little sister is cute and funny, her older brother is hilarious, her parents are awesome and have a good sense of humour, her older sister is fun... They're just such a family. They're close, they joke around, they talk, they interact...it's just so amazing to see that sort of /family/ as being real. I honestly felt like crying. :oops: Funnily enough, when Mangy came over, she echoed my thoughts out loud.

With Mangy there, we had rootbeer floats and played two games of Apples to Apples (I think it's called). That was awesome. Then everyone else went to bed, we watched Princess Diaries (which Mangy had never seen), chatted some more, and then Mangy left. When she hugged me the second-to-last time, I remember whispering, "I don't want to go home..." :oops: After that, Legolas and I went to bed.

Sunday morning we got up early, went to Legolas' family's church, came back for lunch, and then I bid them all farewell, getting hugs from each of them. My Springs visit wasn't quite over yet--I headed over to Hood's house next. ^_^

I had a lot of fun there, too. I got there shortly after lunchtime, got the tour of their house, and then we just sat around hugging, talking, chattering, taking pictures, and being crazy for at least a few hours. :) I got Boom--Hood's younger sister--to sing by promising a trade, so before I left, I was made to honour that agreement. So I sang, for Hood and her two sisters and mom. "This Road" by Wolfsong, since that's one of the only ones I know how to sing, by heart, off the top of my head like that. I'd seriously never sung in front of people before--only online, and not for a group of people like that. So I was totally shaky and my voice was all wavery all over the place. :oops: It was probably awful. But they liked it. And it's a really awesome song, so. ^_^

Eventually after that, I finally convinced myself it was time to leave. If I didn't take off soon, I'd never get home. :P So I bid them all adieu and departed, after a few more hugs, a glomp, and a couple more random pictures. ^_^

Then the ride home. It was a lot different heading home than I'd thought. After the brief crazy happy weekend I spent the last time, when Midget came in, and the mini-moot and all, I'd ended up being on such a temporary and intense high that leaving was almost traumatic for me. I'd barely made it over to the Panera parking lot before bursting into tears for, like, ten minutes.

But after the restful, amazing, healing, talking-filled, totally normal week at Mangy's, and then ending on a light, fun note, I was just totally at peace heading home.

Of course, I caught a cold, which a week and a half later I'm just now finally getting over. And also over the past week and a half my peacefulness has faded to be replaced by a keen sense of loss, a yearning sort of waiting for my trip to Texas (18 days! Gah!), an anxious and uncertain impatience regarding my future, and a mopey sort of dull pointless wistful aching empty longing sad feeling overall which I'm currently feeling now. :oops: That's what happens to me when I don't get hugs. :6:

But even so, I still feel changed, a lot different from how I felt before I went to Mangy's. More hopeful. Capable. :)

And now, I shall end this post, with the hope that I won't get sick or lazy and will actually be able to update every day while in Texas. :ninja: I'll have to get people to hold me accountable to that :6:

Maybe I'll try to update at least SOMETHING every day until then as practise. :P

Safe journeying, and...did you know hydrogen peroxide scent gets REALLY old after 24 hours?

-Any

Infodump

2009-01-30T03:44:00.004-07:00

Okay, so, like, infodumps are basically a part of the story where you just dump a whole bunch of info on the character, the world, the history of the world or of the character, the setting, etc. I'm pretty sure.

Basically all blog posts are infodumps, IMO. :6: But the title has absolutely nothing to do with the nature of this post, because the post isn't really any more infodumpy than any other of mine. But, however, my day /was/ an infodump. Mostly starting in the evening.

I, however, will begin with the morning. Unlike previous days of waking up to a nice event, I woke up to a bit of, well, screaming. :6: Julie was not happy. I still don't know what her problem ended up being, but somehow Mangy got her out to the car and took her to the bus stop.

Meanwhile, once she left, I got up, fixed up my couchy sleeping area, made some tea, and fetched Everest who wanted downstairs. And I wanted to see him, too. Who wouldn't?? :6:

So I got all set up with my computer and stuff, since when Mangy got back home she went straight to work again. Everest had fun playing around and typing to people I was chatting with--mostly Flynn. ^_^

Then Mangy was finally done with her work, and only had to print all the stuff out. By "all the stuff" I mean all the magazines--since that's what she was working on all week, her church magazine. She put Everest down for a nap, and then headed off to do that, which she figured would take her a few hours--she should be back by 2.

She asked if I would make cookies for her to take to the meeting she was going to that night, and of course I agreed--I was going to object to cookies? After showing me where all the stuff was, Mangy left to go do that. I set all my stuff up in the kitchen--laptopwise--and got the recipe and everything I needed out for it to make sure I had it. Then I went to look for some music to listen to.

As I looked through Mangy's CD collection, you know what I found? The Moot 08 Play, intro, squabbling, and the play. All together as one thing and not in parts like on YouTube where I've seen it countless times. Also, inevitably better quality by FAR since it was on a DVD.

I totally went hyper, all geeking out, squealing girlyish over it, etc. :oops: I turned it on and gleefully watched and listened to the play--in good quality sound, all the better to hear it with, and good visual quality, all the better to see it with--while I started the cookies.

I kept rewinding the best bits. ^_^ It's just a totally awesome play. :P

Then I turned on actual music and got serious about making the cookies. Just as I finished the last batch--they smelled so GOOD!--cleaned up, put everything away, Everest had been up for nearly 50 minutes, and Mangy called to say she wouldn't be home until more like 2:30. So I went and got him, and he resumed his apparent conversation with Flynn. :P

Also, apparently, the teleconference we'd been trying to have with Flynn and Telpe at least, was finally going to work out, but we had to start it fairly soon and Mangy was not yet home. So I told everyone to hang on, and then the minute Mangy did come home, I rushed her over to the computer and we tried to start up the video chat.

And aha! We finally got one running. I was really glad because I'd been looking forward to this possibility nearly all week. :6:

I could totally see Flynn and Telpe, though it was a bit pausey on our end at least, and Mangy's laptop is quiet. After the first few minutes--once Julie and Everest started going crazy for the camera and yelling and getting up close--I couldn't hear just about anything. So I'm not exactly sure what they were talking about, and if they were ever talking to me at one point or what. :P

BUT it was so amazing, getting to see what little I could see of them, being able to hear them, and them sort of able to hear/see me, sometimes.

-rolls eyes- Gah. Now I'm having keyboard issues. Just now I copied in a random sentence I had on my ctrl c, and then accidentally hit enter. Okay. Back to posting.

^_^ So that was incredibly fun. The kids were hilarious, and I'm really glad that Flynn, Telpe, and then Elraen and Linny who popped in for some of the time, got to see Mangy and the kids and all. :D And vice versa.

I also know I heard, even through the chaos, someone going "Awwww" at Everests constant "Hi!"s. :D

Eventually, though, Telpe had to leave, and soon after, Flynn. Mangy needed to start dinner anyway, though, so the timing was pretty good. We ended up with pretty much leftovers for dinner, which rocked. :P

After that, I cleaned up as usual (-grins-) and Mangy gave the kids a bath. Legolas showed up just a couple minutes after.

Mangy dashed out after talking for a second and Legolas went to put the kids to bed so I hopped online. I was basically told in no uncertain terms that I needed to get off the laptop when Legolas came down, so I could spend time with her, which I had to agree to :D, so once she came back down some minutes later, I firmly closed the laptop lid.

That was around sixish. ^_^

Then Legolas and I just got talking. We talked and talked and talked. We laughed and were random and crazy and silly and goofy. We were serious, we got into talking about all sorts of serious important things... it was awesome. It was basically an infodump. She infodumped a lot about her and her life on me, and then I infodumped a lot abut me and myself to her.

For some reason, Legolas has this effect on me. It's like, all of CP does to a minor degree. They make me talk, be sociable, in a way I never thought I would be able to handle. But Legolas, from the very first day, first hour in which I met her, had me at ease around her. And on that same day (happened to be the day we picked up Midget from the airport), she got me totally conversing away, her and Mangy in a concerted effort, by the time we'd reached the airport. :D

There's just something about her that makes me talk and talk. And I don't feel like I'm babbling because she talks equally as much. I mean it, equally. We both talk, there's no just silent nodding and occasional bits of words to let you know they're listening (which can be nice too). Actual talking back and forth. Few people have been able to get that from me so far, IRL, even if they get other social-ly things to come out. Making me actually talk and having a good conversation? Hood and Mangy and Legolas each do, so far, and that's it for now. :P

Also, apologies for any random words or typos or such in here, I'm typing fast and late at night. :P

So, then Mangy comes back home, we greet her, then we end up sitting around and all three of us talking seriously again--a totally different topic though. This one was about a possibility that may be coming up in the future. Just something extraordinarily cool. :) I don't think I'll blog about it for quite awhile yet. :P

Though hopefully I WILL be able to, eventually/soonish. :D

After talking about that for awhile, we moved to the kitchen so Mangy could eat and talked about the Moot that's coming up. Then Nia called Mangy, so me and Legolas amused ourselves with totally random chatter.

Nia arrived, and we all sat down. This time we were talking about the craziest silliest things. From cakes to spiders and back again. :D It rocked.

THEN we--Mangy, Nia, and I--all burst out totally randomly singing the "I could have danced all night" song from My Fair Lady. :D That was seriously cool...even though poor Legolas was disturbed.

Then she and Mangy started singing a song from a musical Nia and I didn't know...so Legolas at least got us back once. :P

I had never heard of that movie before. But I LOVE My Fair Lady. :D

Soon after, Nia and Legolas departed in their respective vehicles and it was just Mangy and I. We sat around in the living room--Mangy having taken some meds for her not-feeling-wellness recently. Our discussion went back into the serious mode,

and yet more infodump. Almost exclusively on my part, with bits of wisdom imparted in from the amazing Mangy. A lot of stuff got worked through, some really good plans formed, and it just feels amazing to get to have someone listen like that. :)

After that, though, Mangy was understandably exhausted. I took a shower, they all (her and her husband and kids, of course) went up to sleep. And I decided to blog about today. Even though I'm so tired that I'm probably half speaking nonsense by now. :6:

So, I hope that vagueness gives you some mild amusement. :D It was a jam-packed full of stuff, my day was. Lots of it. Good stuff, and most of it in my head. :P

Safe journeying, and have a good day,

-Any

Wednesday, a bit late :oops:

2009-01-29T09:43:00.002-07:00

^_^ Okay,
internet finally working and all,
so I'm posting this. It's a bit late, but, oh well. :6: Here's what I wrote last night when there was no internet:

Okay, so I just got back on the compy and my stupid laptop isn’t wanting to connect to the internet, even after I rebooted :oops: Apparently Windows failed repeatedly at renewing my IP address…or so it claims. :P So I’ll just write this up tonight in a Word doc and post it sometime tomorrow once the internet thing can be fixed or if my lappy magically starts working. ^_^

:oops: I don’t know that anyone does, but if someone happened to check back first thing in the morning expecting a post and didn’t find one, sorry :6:

^_^ But back to my day. ‘cos it really is /all/ about /me./ XD :oops:

I woke up to CPer music. :) One of Wolfsong’s compositions was playing as I finally came around to full consciousness. I couldn’t tell which, but I’ve heard them all just enough times that I knew it was one of his. Turned out it was the Goodbye Improv, but that’s slightly off-topic.

So I got up, put everything away except for turning the bed back into a couch, because Everest was playing on it. :D I didn’t feel like breakfast, not hungry, so I hugged Mangy and :oops: I can’t properly express how amazing it is to wake up and get a sincere HUG from a dear friend first thing! ^_^

I grabbed my laptop, though, as Mangy was working, and popped it open. I then proceeded to chat away for quite awhile, also watching Everest play. Then Mangy took him up for a nap and I turned the futon back into a couch.

I’m not going to go into all the chat stuff I did, obviously. But I was on the laptop starting a few minutes after I woke up, around nine I think, and from then probably until lunchtime, I was assaulted with deep stuff. As I told Myls when she logged on around lunchtime, “It’s too early in the day to feel so drained!” :P

Seriously, though, I’m really really glad that I could be there at all for anyone who needed me to talk to, and glad I could be there for a dear friend who I hope I helped.

-stops being babbly and vague at once-

^_ ^ Mangy made lunch again. It’s been the same the past couple days—sandwich and leftover soup from the soup we made on Sunday, I believe it was. Delicious stuff, tasty lunches. :D We used up the last of it today. And it still catches me a bit off guard—in a very pleasant way, though, actually—when Mangy’s up and about and in the kitchen and offering to make lunch for me, saying I need to eat something. I’m totally not used to that sort of thing.

After that, and more hugs ^_^, we went back to what we were doing before, for another couple of hours. And this time, it wasn’t deep stuff or anything, just a totally epic failure on my part. :oops: I’ll have to wait until at least tomorrow, possibly longer, before the person PM’s me back. -headdesk-

Anyway, I also got my squab posted! Finally! It’s really strange, mostly about some crazy person. O.o But I got it posted. I'm really glad I got it up at last. :D Now I just need to do feedback tomorrow/today (Thursday).

I kept nearly falling asleep, though, and was all O.o what’s wrong with me?? Then I realized, somehow, that it was about the tea. I usually have several cups of caffeinated tea a day. I’m a rather big tea fan. I hadn’t had any tea since coming to Mangy’s—except the awesomely amazing Thai (I think…sp?) tea. So Mangy found me some tea and I almost instantly felt better/awakier. :oops: I’m so weird.

When it was time to go get Julie, there was also this complicated situation with taking their neighbor kid to the library and all, so Mangy went to go get the girls by herself, and got Everest downstairs for me to watch. I was actually searching through pictures at that moment, and Everest decided to watch, so I asked him questions about the pictures and his little, “Yeah” and “No”s were just, gah! So adorable!!

I also made a post somewhere and was talking to a couple people, and while I was typing, he decided to help. So some of my stuff was barely intelligible by the time it got across. :6: But it was too cute to not send it anyway. :D

Mangy got back with Julie, who was not in a very good mood. I pretty much, from then on, just sat back in the corner of the couch, trying to be quiet and out of the way. Eventually Mangy got Julie (and Everest) upstairs watching TV and calmed down.

I am frankly amazed at Mangy—how she does it, I have no clue. She’s just…Mangy.

The rest of the evening consisted of chatting, Mangy starting dinner, me and Mangy talking, again seriously, which is nice in its own way, very…/real/, and then a long internet goodbye :P (I’m really apparently bad at leaving the computer, even if I want to) as Mangy sent me out on a walk.

There were hugs involved throughout the entire afternoon and evening, by the way. :6: Lots of them of varying sorts. ^_^

My walk was really, really nice. I got a lot of personal thoughts sorted out, and perhaps a bit of clarity on where to go next in my life. The sort of stuff that I always push to the back of my mind, putting off the untangling and sorting out of those thoughts in favour of helping friends sort out their own problems, or dealing with various immediate concerns, or just putting them off because I don't want to face them, etc. I think Mangy knew that, and that’s why she sent me out for a walk. :)

So, I got back, and was in sort of a weirdly contemplative observant very quiet and somber sort of mood for most of dinner, which I felt like apologising for, but couldn’t help it. :oops:

After dinner, Mangy put the kids to bed, I cleaned up in the kitchen :), and then we went back to me chatting and Mangy working. But only until about 8:30, when we picked out a movie to put in. Mangy would still be working, but that was alright. I then managed to get off the compy quicklier than before,

and got to watch the Lost Room with Mangy. Very interesting, very very awesome, I really liked it, loved the characters, thought it was a really neat story idea, cool concept and all…but I just despised the ending. <<

Okay, strong word there. :P But they just never finished it! It's unfinished! It didn't ever explain anything, it just sort of ended! <<

By the end, though, Mangy was just about to fall asleep on her keyboard, so she went up to bed—but not without a hug :)—and I opened my laptop, only to find a lost connection, with no known-to-me method of repairing it working. :P

So, yeah, that was my day. :) In a lot of words for so little detail as; I didn’t feel detail was needed but couldn't help babbling, apparently. :6: The few details that I might have wanted to write down to keep have been written elsewhere. So I’m good. XD

I know these days aren’t tremendously exciting for anyone else, so if you happen to get bored of my recounting, too bad, don’t read it. :P

For me, it’s not as if each day is full of excitement and crazy running around and meeting people, so it’s not necessarily exciting. But it’s normal, and the normal is a nice one. People are agreeable, for the most part :6:, problems get solved, there aren’t guilt trips and manipulations going on, there’s lots of laughing and playing and happiness, lots of contentedness, and calmness even in times of problems. People work together, and it’s just a really great normal to be among.

Plus, lots of hugs.

It’s like, being here so long, I’ve adapted (as well as can be expected in such a short time from me…) to how things work around here, and the general attitude of the house, and instead of being overwhelmingly bubbly-adrenaline filled with excitement and happiness, I’ve moved into a normalcy state of happy contentedness. Of a new sort. I mean, there are obviously things that happen or go haywire and there’s normal stuff of uncool nature, too. But everything just ends up fine in the end, and usually sooner rather than later. -shrug-

So it’s nice. :oops:

I should be just about ready to finish up the blog post here. I sort of want to take a shower, but it’s 3-ish and I need to get some sleep…I think I’ll take one in the morning. ^_^ So, I’m off, to get some sleep.

--and now, here in the morning, posting this, I shall also leave off here. ^_^

Safe journeying, and remember the midnight duck,

-Any

Tuesday. :)

2009-01-28T02:27:00.002-07:00

As some who chat with me often may know, Tuesday is my favourite day of the week. No particular reason. I just started using it all the time, like:

"Hey, that's cheating!"
"Only on Tuesday."

You know, situations like that. And for some reason I just always use Tuesday. :P Even when it /is/ Tuesday. So it's now, like, my favourite day of the week.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with anything, I just felt like mentioning it.

Although, today was a good enough day. :) It certainly started out well.

Seriously, can anyone contest that there is /no/ better way to wake up than with basically a hug?

^_^ Mangy got me up and I frantically got ready to leave--we were headed over to her church. Julie was already at school and Everest was coming with us. I grabbed a yogurt.

I don't think, even if I went into every detail there ever was, that I could ever express how much it means to me not only to be having so much time just getting to hang out with Mangy and her family, but also be able to just /talk/. In real life, out loud, actual talking, of a serious nature with someone. Especially Mangy.

:)

So we got to her church, got Everest set up in a new group--Tony Fritz was there ^_^--and then Mangy dropped off her bag in the office before taking me over to this other place where they were having a women's group...speaking thing. :oops: Don't remember what to call it.

I apparently didn't hear but the lady behind the desk--Leslie something (:6: I forgot her name! -feels bad now-)--say hi to me. :oops:

Anyway, I don't think she noticed, I think she was just saying hi in passing. So Mangy took me down to where the group was meeting up at. Got me signed in--under Annie...I still have this bit of a paranoia being called my real name in public among strangers, but in some cases, it's fine...yeah...I'm weird--and Mangy introduced me to several of her friends, ending with a neat, crazy, spazzy lady by the name of Amy Allen (er...that's right, isn't it?).

I really liked her. XD

I declined food--I'm severely uncomfortable eating food in public. I'm pretty sure I know the mental reasons behind it, and am working on training myself out of it. Starting with CP--they are no longer "public" also which makes me just, like, way more comfortable with them all in /general/. ^_^

We listened to some general announcements sort of things, played around with swatches of fabric for still-unknown-to-me reasons, and I was made to fill out a random New Friends Contact Slip. O.o

Then we went into this other room, Amy sat by me once she saw me off sitting by myself :P, we sung some songs, listened to a touching story a lady had about her 3-year-old girl, watched a funny skit thingy, and then Bonnie (I believe) stepped up to talk...

...that was, to be brief, a very thought-provoking thing for me.

To be less brief, some of the analogies threw me off what her point was, just because of the different connotation they generally bring, but I figured out why she'd used them by the end. There were some points where I stopped and thought, "I'm not sure that makes sense to me; it doesn't seem to fit with my view on things." and then proceeded to analyse why I thought that was, and such. And then there were other parts where I sort of got something like, ah, I see, and I see why you said that. Lots of analysis and comparison-analysis. It was just all...very interesting, and thought-provoking. Very much so. So it was for Sunday as well. I think if one more thought gets provoked this week they're all going to retaliate. XD

I don't think I'm going to go into what all was said, or all my thoughts, etc., because I'm too tired, should get some sleep, not quite sure that I want to share those thoughts at /least/ on my blog, and am sure it would come out wrong anyway. :P

One thing I didn't get was why it was a women's thing...the topic was about making the time in your day to pray to God and read and listen to His Word, and not letting yourself get distracted. 0o;; I dunno, I guess it just didn't seem like something that couldn't equally apply to those of the male persuasion. :P But that was random.

So...once that was over, I got pointed in the direction of Mangy, and found the office she was working in. The lady from before came up to me, totally friendly, and asked in an I-know-but-I'm-phrasing-this-as-a-question-anyway-not-really-expecting-a-response voice if I was there looking for Mangy (though of course she didn't call her Mangy).

As she led me back through the hallway, she told me that--shock and AWE--she'd mistaken me for Nia when she first saw me earlier.

I swear, this is never going to end. It's crazy. She works in the same church as Nia (well, she doesn't call her Nia, but meh.), and has obviously seen her enough to recognise her...and I'm seriously younger than Nia, too. Nia looks 25 though she's not. I do not look 25. It's /possible/ that I don't look 18, but I don't look 25. And while I'm at it, I don't look like Nia, either! :6: Okay, maybe a bit, but /that/ much? XD

Luckily she'd been set straight, though she did announce me to Mangy as a clone. :P

Muzik was there sorting out Mangy's compy issues, and Mangy was all, "you remember Anywhere? She's from CP." and he sort of nodded. I think he's getting weirded out by me suddenly being there (Mangy's church) and waving to him all the time for apparently no reason. :6:

After that, not too much else happened. We picked up Everest, we talked some more, we heard about the most amazing drink at Starbucks which I must try someday now, :P, Mangy did a lot of printing, Everest a lot of playing, me a lot of marvelling over the really superfaaaaast printer. :P

We eventually got back to Mangy's house, though. ^_^ She started up working again, but also made us lunch, first, tasty tasty sandwiches and soup. I got through most of it while chatting to a couple people online, and then Linny called. :D :D :D

I love talking on the phone with friends. ;)

Once she had to leave, it got quiet again, I finished lunch, Mangy was working, Everest was finally asleep, I think...it was relative peace.

Eventually, Mangy had to go pick up Julie, so I stayed with Everest while she did so. Julie and Mangy got back, Mangy started in on supper, and I let Julie play with my hair some more. ^_^

I know all this sounds a bit rushed or scattered. :6: It really wasn't when it was happening, I promise.

Mr. Heath (finally got an acceptable name! :6: ), aka Mangy's husband, came home between jobs to spend some time with the kids. :) So they played for quite a long while, before he had to leave. I joined in a bit with Julie at times. :P

We had some supper after that, and it was really, really tasty. :D Those things are good. Enchiladas.

And Everest is so cute. He was eating and talking and spilling/dumping/throwing stuff just everywhere. :lol:

But in-between talking to Everest and getting my arm apparently eaten...I played around with Julie for awhile before dinner was officially over and Mangy took the kids up for a bath and bed. While she was doing that, I did the dishes and the kitchen again.

Legolas was supposed to come over Tuesday for babysitting, but with the roads in bad condition and Mangy having so much work to do...yeah. ^_^ But I get to see her on Thursday, so I'm still happy.

I think after that I pretty much sat in the same spot and chatted/squabbed away the entire next few hours. :P So I won't go into that. But let me just sasy that Flynn is right--"even just sitting around is more awesome with Mangy."

And then, and THEN! Mangy introduced me to the best game EVER--Fluxx. There is no way to describe it but completely unique, COMEPLETELY awesome, and my new favourite game. Go play it! XD

After two rounds of that, which rocked, Mangy had to head up to bed. So once again I sit, blogging, finishing up at 3:30am. :6:

Also, apologies for the rambliness, I'm a bit more comfortable in this position--not really sitting up at all--and am drifting in-between phrases. :oops:

Safe journeying, and--going for the obvious--may the Force be with you,

-Any

The Normalcy of Mangy and a Nice Evening to Boot, IMO

2009-01-27T02:29:00.004-07:00

Today wasn't a short day, wasn't a long day. It was just a nice, normal day. And it was a truly normal day for Mangy and family--work, school, errands, and the like.

I "slept in" which to me doesn't mean much, but by others' standards, it should indicate that I got up awhile after Mangy and family. :P I ended up getting more sleep than the previous nights thus far--I think I'm improving in that area ;)

Apparently I slept through a lot of chaos getting Julie to school, Everest playing and being his cute-but-loud self, Mangy doing dishes (gr she beat me to it), and breakfast-making.

...and then the moment it was quiet and Mangy got out her laptop and started clacking away, I snapped awake.

:oops: Shows what I pick up on, now, doesn't it... -rolls eyes- :P

But anyway :lol:

After that, I had a bit of breakfast--I'm usually not up for that much food as soon as I wake up anyway--and Mangy had started working, putting Everest to sleep for a nap, so there wasn't much for me to do but get on the computer.

A strange (as in different) but nice feeling to be sitting there with nothing I had to do, no requirements over my head, bogging me down subconsciously...just being in the presence of my dear Mangy in a bright, happy, calm room that still oozes CP (in a good way), listening to some funny/happy/soothing/quiet music, just chatting a bit here and there, working on my squab (writing challenge, to non-CPeeps).

It was just so cozy and relaxed and pleasant and normal. It was perfect. Mangy might feel differently, since /she/ had to be actually working...but for me, it was really nice. :oops:

I felt a bit not-useful, though, since Mangy had already been up and around, doing family stuff, dishes, etc., and was then working, and /then/ made us both lunch on top of that. But that's just Mangy for you, and I really couldn't protest because I was just too content. :P

Plus, a bit of a spat, well, not really but, like, it came close because me and a friend were both tired and for some reason getting all easily-irritated, and I totally picked a fight which I sort of didn't mean to, and then the friend logged off and prevented anything from actually happening...but anyway, drama aside...with the fresh new day facing us it all melted away and was a lot fine-er than I'd worried it was. ^_^

:P And that's all my dose of drama for the month, if I can help it. But anyway,

the morning and into the afternoon was pretty much just all like that--relaxing and everything. It was snowing and cold outside but all that did was make it cozier inside. You'd think that the morning just flew by, but it didn't. It went at just the right pace, not too fast and remorseful it's over but not so slow that it drags on...just right...and I was and am so content that it really was just right. -shrug- As is this moment. :)

But nothing much happened, that wasn't just chatting online which I generally refrain from going into,

so we'll skip to afternoon, where Everest woke up, Mangy brought him down for me to keep an eye on while she took a shower to get ready to leave and pick up Julie. Everest was still tired and ran around for a second with a toy, but then ended up just standing there for most of the time, staring at my laptop screen. I'd been chatting with Flynn, so I told him Everest was staring at him. :P

Then we left, picked up Julie and a neighbor kid (O.o the bus is EXACTLY on time every day, it's scary), took the neighbor kid home. We went out to "celebrate Monday" which is apparently an awesome tradition with Mangy and her kids. :D They stopped at Good Times, and got... Bambinos I think they're called. Which of course never fails to remind me of Bambino-del-dio who recently joined CP and I don't, in fact, really know at all yet... :P

Random thought: for anyone coming in late, lazy, or with a bad memory--Everest is Mangy's 2-year-old ADORABLENESS son, and Julie is Mangy's 5-and-a-half-year-old hilarious, sweet, often-hyper daughter. :D:D

While the kids munched on their little burgers, we drove up to some eye doctors' place for Julie as she ran out of eye patches, and needed more, for reasons that were at that moment unknown to me, but I hadn't bothered to ask yet.

Memorable moment: as we left the car and headed up to the building through the cold-and-grey-but-not-actively-snowing weather, little Everest reached out and grabbed his sister's hand to walk through the parking lot with, and then reached out with his other hand and grabbed mine. :) It was just so stinkin' cute and adorable and AWWWW. :P Mangy thought so too, I think, 'cos she got pictures.

Which reminds me, there are pictures of all these events, just not on my camera. I'm going to have to seriously post an all-picture update eventually once I collect these pics. And hopefully everyone remembers the stories that go with them. :oops:

We got in, and again, Everest. He pushed the alarm-emergency button in the elevator. Which hadn't quite closed yet and stopped in its tracks, sending out a blaring alarm.

...whoopsy.

So we pried the door open, and slipped into another elevator. :6: Poor Mangy. :P There really wasn't anyone around, though, so...

The rest of the errand went quick--we were in, out, and back to Mangy's before I knew it. I checked in online for a sec, but then got off to keep Mangy company in the kitchen and chat even though there wasn't anything I could help with yet. :D I just love chatting with Mangy. Just talking. It's nice. ^_^ Not necessarily nicer than the peacefulness of the morning, nor worse. But nice in its own way. :)

Can you tell I'm having a blast? :oops:

We were quite interrupted by the kids, but I didn't really mind, and maybe I'm used to seeing a LOT more intense level of stressed-out...usually to the point of constant upsetness...and on a more constant basis...because Mangy just seemed so matter-of-fact and calm and fine throughout it all, but later she apologised for being stressed for a bit there. 0o;;

Anyway. We had dinner and it was so delicious. :) Then Mangy took the kids upstairs for a bath and then bedtime before hosting the dkchat (since she's webmaster/admin there :P ). And I got to be useful and do the dishes/clean up the table and kitchen to the best of my abilities. Mangy actually asked me to do it, but if she hadn't, I was actually going to ask to be /able/ to do it, so... it all worked out. :D

By now it's common knowledge on CP that I'm with Mangy's family for the week, and everyone (Cpwise) at dk that I talked to, and a couple others from Iming, wanted me to keep giving Mangy hugs from them. I swear, I'm about to put up a notice that says I'm no longer accepting requests... :P I mean, if I'm always giving her /their/ hugs, then when do /I/ get to hug her? XD I know, that's a really weird sentence.

So I chatted (and, er, ignored the dkchat :6: ), while Mangy webmastered and the Happy Songs CD played. :) -can't help but smile just saying that title-

Mangy noticed my laughter and excessive typing and thus the fact that I wasn't paying attention to the actual chat. But she reassured me that nobody held a grudge.

After that, I kept chatting with people, but we headed up to Mangy's room. She needed to fold laundry and finish up her Psych episodes, so I came to keep her company/watch Psych with her. And just be around her more. ^_^ She rocks.

Laughing and talking back and forth about the show and about other stuff and things, we picked out a movie--Labyrinth--and came downstairs again to watch that together before heading to bed.

Putting that in a nutshell is my post talking about it on CP: "Yes. My first time seeing it, and it was awesome, in a totally weird, slightly creepy, and somewhat cheesy definition of awesome."

:D which may or may not describe it, but that's what I think, so hah.

About halfway through, Mangy's husband got home and insulted Labyrinth, Dukes of Hazzard, MacGyver(sp?), Three's Company, and KNIGHT RIDER! :-O I attempted to stand up for them, but my defenses were weak and I had no offenses. XD Especially when I was, like, half-laughing the whole time. :P But seriously, he only /thinks/ that I won't like Dukes of Hazzard in ten years... :6: I'll show him. ;)

Lots of smilies in that paragraph...my apologies...

So, he vanished upstairs and Mangy and I finished the movie at nearly the same time that basically everyone I was talking to said goodnight at once. What coincidence. :P Then Mangy headed up to bed, I sent her a message to recount to someone who had asked her to ask me something...or something like that, I took a shower, came back down here, and blogged.

Right now, as my status message on IM says:

"Faint warm light of a multicolour nature spilling from the corners of the most comfortably CP-infused living room there ever will be, nothing to do but listen to memory-laden music, growing ever more wistful for someone to share it with."

:) Which basically means I'm happy and pretty darn content, feeling utterly blessed at the moment, but wishing I could drag in all my friends into that feeling, too, especially the ones I know went to bed having a bad day or are having a hard time right now. Or at least ONE of them, just to sit here in this atmosphere at this time of night just whispering a bit to and grinning at and just laying back and soaking it in...

-mostly-contented sigh- :) Gonna head off to sleep and see what the morrow brings.

Safe journeyi--what's that blue thing...doing here? O.o

-Any

Impromptu Mini-Moot

2009-01-26T01:46:00.002-07:00

Okay, Sunday. :D

Woke up (4 hours of sleep :oops: ), waited for Mangy and family to come downstairs. We had breakfast--Mangy's husband was really tired and stayed asleep--and went to Mangy's church. Met a couple people, waved hi to Nia who said she might be coming to the mini-moot that night, and waved hi to Muzik who I'd met last time for about .02 seconds, although he was all "O.o why is this random person waving hi at me cheerfully?"

Awesome moment: About halfway through the service Mangy hugged me, and then didn't really let go, and kept her arm around me 'til the end. ^_^ It was just...really nice. I've mentioned how important various physical contact is to me during one of my really long babbling thought-sorting rants (which I finally figured out how to re-date, so I've moved them back to the start of the archives, so they're there for me to access but don't clutter up the beginning :6: )

Anyway. Physical contact, very important and really awesome. I've totally got to give Mangy a ton of hugs the past couple days--some from other people and a lot just from me. And I've gotten lots of hugs from her, too. :)

We got back to Mangy's, I helped make a totally delicious soup for lunch, and we coloured with Julie for awhile. Then she played with my hair for a bit while I was on the laptop. ^_^

We went grocery shopping, Mangy, Everest, Julie, and I, and I got calculator duty. B-) But I was seriously getting so tired by that point that I was too tired to do much but follow and add up. :oops: But I did get to fondly relive the last grocery trip there with Midget and Legolas, and get all sentimental over oatmeal. :D

After we got back and put everything away, Julie played with my hair again, doing all sorts of crazy things to it, while I hopped back on the laptop and Mangy's family occupied themselves with various activities until it was time for me and Mangy to leave for the mini-moot.

We got there early and in a rather silly mistake, /both/ sat facing /away/ from the front entrance. So we wouldn't be able to see anyone coming. So of course, while waiting, we ended up getting into a nice talk, actually, I don't have many of those and it was nice...and then of course as we started to seriously talk, Yellow Leader comes walking around the table and we were all suddenly "ENDOFDISCUSSION--/hi/ howare/you/ niceto/meet/you!" XD

His younger sister came in just a second later and hugged me, saying something too quickly for me to catch it right away. I was all "oh she's friendly, I've barely talked to her and she's hugging me already!" so I hugged back and nodded a general nod of greeting and acknowledging whatever she said that I missed.

Then I finally realised she'd said, "Nice to see you again, Nia!" O.o She mistook me for Nia! This is an incredibly strange and, strangely enough, more frequently occurring thing.

The very second CPer I talked to after joining way back in August--Flynn--saw my picture not long after I 'met' him. He said I reminded him of Nia, who I didn't actually know of at that point so I was all O.o okay...

Then some months went by and at the first mini-moot I went to, Angel J's mom mentioned that I startled her when she turned and saw me out of the corner of her eye and thought I was Nia for a second.

Just over a month later, at the next mini-moot, I was completely mistaken for Nia by one of the girls' parents who'd /seen/ Nia earlier that day and somehow didn't remember enough what she was like. Mangy and I don't really see it, but Hood said she could definitely see why.

Now, not quite a month later, I'm being completely mistaken for Nia by a CPeep who's met her multiple times, I gather, and saw her all throughout the last Moot in the summer. O.o What's next??

Anyway...the real Nia arrived not long after we got that cleared up. Then it wasn't actually that long before Legolas came, too, and I jumped up to hug her :6: What can I say, I missed her just like I missed Mangy and still miss Midget since December and the whole previous day wasn't enough to make up for it? :P

By then we decided to turn the table so we could fit more chairs in, since we were still expecting Balto and it was already squishedness.

Mangy bought an appetizer for herself and one for me and Legolas to share, which we did, though we kept fighting over who got what...in our very typical method of "no, YOU" fighting. XD But the main thing was that Mangy got that for us. I swear, Mangy is never going to let me not-eat at her house ever again. :oops:

So we mainly talked about CP, CPeeps, various requirements and challenges from CP, occasionally other writing, and more CP random facts. XD Well we're all FROM CP, so it really should be expected. Balto finally arrived and joined the party, as well as Blue Monkey and Yellow Leader's mom.

We took pictures, we chatted like crazy, I took a couple videos :6: which I'll have to see how they turned out on my mom's laptop once I'm back there, and chatted...about CP still. :6:

Eventually Yellow Leader, Blue Monkey, and their mom had to leave, so I made the two of them sign my shirt--yes, YL is a guy, but he's basically a complete stranger, not someone I knew just a little bit, not a total CP legend, it was a smaller group, and I'd...had practise? XD

The final five of us--Nia, Mangy, Legolas, Balto, and me, stayed, though, and chatted for quite awhile. Especially to Legolas--and I really really hope we've finally convinced her...

After that, it was getting pretty late, so we all got up, ready to leave, I made sure Balto signed my shirt as well this time, I was thirsty so I, the non-germophobe, grabbed and sipped on random abandoned drinks (No, not from other tables, just from other people at our table who had abandoned/were done with their drinks).

We said our goodbyes, I carefully glomped Balto (I know...oxymoron), and headed back to Mangy's.

The rest of the night was mostly spent drinking her AWESOMESAUCE amber-coloured cold and iced tea with milk which is the best stuff ever, and watching Psych while I browsed the internet and caught up with stuff and chatted a bit, and she did some work--she's got a LOT to do this week.

Now I'm sitting back downstairs finishing up this blog and about ready to collapse. We haven't got anything planned tomorrow--just me hanging out--and Mangy's got work, Julie's got school, and stuff, so I'll probably end up sleeping in a bit. Since I'm up late again blogging. I don't know why this always seems to happen. :6: I'll make sure it doesn't by tomorrow night, I'm sure...

Safe journeying, 'cos I'm sensing some baaaaad juju magumbo XD,

-Any

Evening with Mangy and Legolas (this is the post you want to read)

2009-01-25T04:07:00.005-07:00

Yeahp, I'm at Mangy's. :)

Today (Saturday) was just really nice. I got to say good morning to some of my morningers (none of the irregular ones, and none of those who are away for the weekend, but the regular couple, yes). I took some amazing pictures of sunrise breaking through the sea of clouds that isolated us from those who don't live on the side of the mountain. Then I got a couple hours of sleep. Then, since I was already packed, I headed off, and got a send-off of goodwill and people not-being-mad-at-me.

I reached Mangy's in the afternoon fully intact and without fainting along the way from lack of sleep. :6: She gave me a hug. Then I gave her another hug from Flynn. Then I hugged her again just because. :D

I was actually a bit early but it worked out fine, and we chatted and hung out and waited for Legolas who was supposed to arrive at 5. Note: Mangy's temperamental toilet hates me <<

Legolas the awesomely punctual hadn't arrived and it was 5:10, so Mangy, worried, called her, and figured out that she had actually told Legolas 5:15. With that explained, we only had a couple minutes to wait before Legolas did arrive. And more hugs. ^_^ And comments about her really cool shirt.

We wrote (er...I chatted online) and listened to some cool music at Panera until there was no room left elsewhere and we were being kicked out of the community room. Then we headed over to McDonald's--which didn't have free wi-fi, so :oops: to all my half-finished conversations. :6:

On the plus side, it did force me to write. -pleased- And it had been far too long since I've written anything. Mangy and I wrote this week's squabbling for CP--we each wrote our own, but using the same prompt, so yeah--and Legolas worked on her story. Mangy consistently wrote, but Legolas and I interspersed our writing with totally random chatter and awesome silly goofing-off.

And Legolas bought me one of the apple pies (what are friends for if not mooching off of??). :D

Also, there was one point where there was some shifty-eyes-ninja action going on and Mangy was whispering something about me to Legolas. << >> << Absolutely zero luck in overhearing any of it... I have an inkling as to what it was about, but still no clue as to what it was -impatientfishwaving- :P

After that we headed back to Mangy's and hung out for a bit. Legolas and I sat on the couch while Mangy talked to her husband (who is officially "Mangy's husband" until I find out what I'm allowed to call him :P ) and we all tried to figure out what we wanted to do next. Some random huggling, including a nice long hug while me and Legolas waited for Mangy to get her camera to take a picture of us because we were apparently really cute/sweet. :P We also spent a bit talking about CP and Moots and such...

After /that/ we all went upstairs where we failed to get the second guitar on the rock band game to work. Mangy's husband left just in time to get to his movie, and after playing a couple rounds taking turns with us--including one song we all knew that we all sang along to which was so fun--Mangy decided to fold laundry (though she was still in the same room :) ), so the two working instruments (drums/guitar) went to me and Legolas. We played for such a long time my eyes were watering. And that game is seriously awesome and addicting. :D

Aaand, then it was midnight, Legolas went home with promises of seeing her on the morrow and another big hug. :) Legolas is just...so...awesome. I haven't gotten to know her so well online, because she's not on very often and not for long. And perhaps because of that, it's been so much easier and nicer to get to know her--what little I do know her from our two meetings so far--in person. ^_^ She's a great friend, a neat person, amazing artist, really fun, so awesome in her dark-but-not way, and as far as I know, we've hit it off extremely well. I hope we get to spend some more time together this week. ^_^

/random tangent :6: And Legolas, I'm pretty sure you'll be reading this, but hah, I'm so talking about you anyway. :oops:

So... :P
Mangy's husband got home, and he and Mangy (and Julie who'd woken up) all went to bed, but not until I got a nice long hug from Mangy and the invitation to stay the entire week. Which I am /so/ doing unless my parents seriously object for some reason.

I then spent quite some time looking through this incredibly sweet Moot book of Mangy's (yes...the nosy/curious/stalker girl strikes again XD ). Then I got on the computer. :)

Em, or rather, Emerwen (I know two Em's...can get confusing :oops: ) was still online, for just a minute, (Yay! :D ) so I got to bid her goodnight, but everyone else was, unsurprisingly, asleep. And because of the time, I will undoubtedly still be asleep when the morningers get up--and might not even get to talk to any of them until later in the day. Oh well, I'll just have to not stay up so late blogging tomorrow (Sunday) night so I can wake up early :6:

But anyway, I checked all my blog-CP-webcomic-Facebook rounds, then started blogging. And thus reflecting on the day... ^_^

Hopefully that wasn't too long of an update for one day (I'm totally not counting the post before this, which hopefully won't happen too often :6: ). I'll update again tomorrow, I'm sure.

Safe journeying, and YOUR MOM'S FAT! -hangs up phone-

UPDATE! at last...

2009-01-23T05:11:00.003-07:00

Okay...so since that whole series of posts took forever to get through...there hasn't "really" been an update since, what, December 29th? Gosh. Luckily enough there hasn't been any other event like that in the intervening time. So this shouldn't be /too/ long of a post :6: Besides, I'm too tired to say strange and wonderful things.

How I've been (for those who don't chat with me regularly...and who even care :P)--averagely. Nothing horrible has happened, some good things have happened. Sometimes I have good days when nothing unpleasant happens, more often I have bad days where unpleasanty things happen, but they always get better once my friends get online to chat. So...Anywhere is alright, when you haven't got a care. ^_^

((I sound so self-centered on this blog, oye O.o))

What I've been doing over the past monthish--not much. And a lot. Depends on how you FISH look at it. I've been doing chores, doing some work for my dad, crocheting hats like crazy, listening to music until my headphones jack broke...and then my /speakers/ broke too. << Mostly trying to earn money so I'm not quite so broke for awhile again and just make it through the next month. Sorry, I promised myself to shout that out randomly at least once during this post. Often no matter what I'm doing ((unless it's sleeping, which, even though it's at odd times, I've been doing more of lately, by request)) I'm on the computer while doing it. Usually chatting. :6: I know, I know, I'm addicted to friends. But hey, /some/ people juggle geese.

Exciting news--yes! There is exciting news! I haven't been doing much currently lately, but there are a couple exciting things to look forward to. :D

Firstlyness, I'm heading up tomorrow (Saturday afternoon) to Mangy's to spend a few days hanging out at her house! I know it seems rather quick for anyone who's been reading my blog, but it /has/ been nearly a month since all those activities I just blogged about actually happened. It feels like forever to me. And, the reason I'm going, is because Mir is visiting Mangy and I get to meet her and hang out with her! -excited- So I'll probably blog about those days while I'm there, and even if I don't, I promise I won't take as long or have such long posts about it as I did the last one. :oops:

And, of course, (no offense to anyone else <<) the most excitingful thing EVER--Texas. I...am going to Texas. For TWO MONTHS. O.o :D I'm still trying to comprehend this as a reality :oops:

I won't babble everyone's head off too much, or at least, I'll try not to... << but hey, it's my blog. I can if I want to. -fishwaving-

...Okay, so basically, since around mid-November--actually, more like October I think, my parents have been contemplating a road trip. My mom knows people in OK and all around TX (well, all around the country, really, but the ones she really wants to see are there). And I was all "-shocked face- That's where The Texans are!" << No comment, people, no comment. I don't care how many other Texans live there, that group of CPers will always be THE Texans. :P Remember that for any time I mention "the Texans" so you'll know what I'm talking about. Sort of. As much as anyone ever does, at least.

So by December, it looked like taking a road trip near the end of February was going to be a fairly possible thing. And, if the Texans were willing, it would be possible for me to meet them. :D I was rather ecstatic and even though it wasn't in any way confirmed, I couldn't help myself, and told Linny. :6: We suffered (well... /I/ suffered at least, I know) all through December and part of January, trying not to get our hopes up and trying not to tell anyone else. Heh. Barely managed not to...

By that time, Linny had convinced me that I /had/ to stay for a few days at /least/. So by then the plan was that we'd somehow meet at a halfway point between the route and where they live, and get me there for a few days, my family would continue on their road trip and pick me up on the way back home. If any of this even happened, which we were really hoping it was. I probably would've gone insane if it had been a 'no' after all. :P

But finally, finally!, it was confirmed as a yes! ((throughout all this I invited Hood to come along, but after much debating, she decided to decline the offer (THIS time around, anyway :ninja: ).))

I FINALLY got to tell all the other Texans that I was coming and got, sort of surprisingly and really awesomely, shocked and even better, /excited/ responses. :D

Inevitably, it wasn't long before we were talking about partings and goodbyes, and amazingly (in my opinion) they kept saying how they didn't want me to have to leave so early. Of course, my parents demanded to know various responses to my coming, so among the responses I mentioned some of the plans to steal me and not let me leave--one involved hiding me in a closet and building a robot to take my place.

So totally randomly, they confronted me one evening, and asked, "So, the Texans (yes, I have them calling 'em the Texans as well...) really don't want to give you up?" and I'm all "haha, yeah, so they say..." and suddenly my jaw drops. I was pretty sure I heard the words "...until the end of April..." and not much else.

First thoughts that went through my mind were, probably quite pathetically, "like anyone would want me for that long." :oops:

But I wasn't going to let that stop me from asking! I looked back down at my empty contact list and literally shouted, "GAH! NONE OF THE TEXANS ARE ONLINE!" which of course made my family laugh << :6:

I seriously had THREE HOURS after that before anyone got online >.< Yeah, I was on edge the whole time. :6: Had time to plan out /exactly/ what to say to whoever got on first. FINALLY Flynn got on (yeah, I've been calling him Maranar/Mar but it's hard to make myself call him that when I always call him Flynn, so, whatever :P ), and I was all "hi, how are you?" and then just suddenly copied in the crazy babble I'd planned out.

He was all "wow" and then, like, ten minutes later I looked up all "O.o" and slightly dazed at my mom and was all "uh...I think I'm going to be staying there for two months." and she was all "just like that?" and I sort of nodded.

Since then, I've contacted the rest of the Texans, and worked out various details and permissions and such. ((the rest of them didn't /think/ they could be more shocked than hearing of my coming, until I randomly mentioned that I'd invited myself down upon them and would be invading for two whole months :D ))

I'm still trying to make myself believe that it's real. :oops: I know I probably sound pathetic, but, uh, I don't get out much. :6: Which was why the weekend with Midget and Mangy meant so incredibly much to me. Things like this trip are just...overwhelmingly full of AWESOME and mean more than I can express.

I can't claim similar positions in /their/ lives, but the Texans are among /my/ very /dearest/ friends. I doubt any of them know just how much a part they've all individually played in my life the past several months and how much they actually mean to me and have been incredible blessings each in their own way. :oops: I don't think /any/ of my dearest friends know that they are, actually. They probably just all think I'm clingy and stalkery ;)

But seriously...getting to not only /meet/ them all, but getting to spend so much time just being with them, /hugging/ them, talking to them...still slightly mind-boggling. :oops: I half-expect to wake up and find myself staring at my ceiling going "yeah...another dream...I knew it..." except -pinch- Ow! it's real. :D

I'll hopefully update here a lot /during/ that time, or judging from the last adventure, it could take me up to two years to finish the records of those two months. :6:

I can't hardly imagine what it'll be like, but I don't see how it /couldn't/ be awesome. :D

Not to mention the whole GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR TWO MONTHS! :D I thought getting away for a weekend was a rare and exciting new thing. I've never been anywhere else but home for even close to two months! :oops:

So, um, I take it back. I did babble...on and on and on and on and on and on about all that... :6: But I blame y'all, if you bothered to read it than it's your fault that you, uh, read it. Something like that, anyway. Hey, why do you think I babbled in the first place--I'm tired! Cut me some slack. -shifty eyes at mention of slacks-

Er, so, yes...that'll be nice. :P And I have that to look forward to, March 2nd-April 25thish. (thish...nice word)

Anything else? I can't think of anything else...Oh! Go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPlYO3sTafc

A robin got into our house. :P Much fun. The video's rather self-explanatory.

I must now, I think, end this post. For I have babbled your heads off like I promised I wouldn't, and I doubt any of y'all even made it through that :6:

I expect my next update will be tomorrow or possibly one of the other days soon after that, babbling on in my strange ways about Mir and hanging out at Mangy's. :)

((and honestly, I feel so self-absorbed and conceited for writing so much about me and my thoughts and my actions and everything on this blog, especially lately. I swear, I don't /think/ I'm this 'selfish' in real life :oops: ))

Farewell, and good luck; your journey may be long and hard...good luck,

-Any

The Colorado Mooti Min and Other Adventures Part VI: Back at Mangy's and a Movie

2009-01-21T21:26:00.002-07:00

Again, sorry for any details that might be missing. If anyone wants to object to anything I've put down here or add in details when/if you comment, go ahead. Please. :P

Okay,
back to Mangy's.

The few of us who were left all found places to park. Most everyone stayed in Mangy's living room. Just a couple of us--me, Hood, and Legolas, for the most part I think 0o;;--stayed in the kitchen. Because we were being antisocial kitchen-people. Especially me and Hood.

That's where the dessert was, though, so other people came and went. At one point I was on a quest for some water as I hadn't had anything to drink practically all day except for a sip of Midget's drink at Panera's. I'm used to being fairly dehydrated as I don't drink much ever, but with all the laughing, I needed /something/ finally. So I eventually worked my way around Mangy and Hood and Legolas and got a glass. Then I got about halfway around again.

Hood asked if we were dancing. That brought up the topic of dancing. In which I demonstrated my dad's two-second-random-dance he does at totally pointless times, usually in the kitchen, when his back is turned to me but he somehow knows I'm watching. :P And Hood demonstrated some strange dance moves as well.

Finally I got over near the sink, and politely asked Legolas if I could be rude and get some water, since she was standing there. She sort of laughed and looked at me like, if you say please, it's not rude. So then a couple seconds later she was done with her plate and asked me if she could please be rude and ask me to move. XD Yeah. We are so weird.

I'm pretty sure Midget was in the living room most/the whole time. For some reason I'm remembering that. 0o;; Gah, need to update my blog quicker next time. The memories of details are all droopy and melty now.

But...eventually people were all leaving. The person with Dolphin--don't remember the relation to her--thanked me for taking charge at the mini-moot. I smiled and nodded and then once they were both gone, turned to Hood and went "Huh?!" Eventually we concluded that he'd mistaken me for Nia. I'd been told by a few people that I resembled her--Maranar said that's what he thought when he first saw a picture of me, and Angel J's mom said that at the first mini-moot I went to.

I personally don't see it, but I know what I look like, so I don't really think I look like anyone else.

After a bit, Angel J had to leave. I think we all hugged her as she came through the kitchen, and she stood back. Hood turned back to me and BAM! the very next second she was knocked back and pretty much pinned back against the fridge.

Everyone jumped or whipped their heads over to look and I was still standing about a foot away so I'd jumped back and was all O.o! before realising that it was Angel J who'd tackled Hood. Apparently she'd promised to show Hood what a real glomp was. :oops:

Eventually everyone but Hood, Legolas, Midget, Mangy, and me had gone. Legolas was free to stay 'til later and was going to go to a movie with us and Hood was catching a ride home with us when we left to see the movie.

We all sat around in Mangy's living room just talking away and sort of relaxing after the high from the mini-moot--or at least I was. Midget and Mangy were on one side mainly talking about CP stuff. Legolas and Hood and I got into a discussion about books--random observation: Legolas had drawn some sort of skeleton thing on the back of one of her hands, it was really cool-looking--and eventually that turned to the topic of books I'd never heard of but both of them obsessed over.

So I backed out of both convos and sat in the middle of Mangy's floor, half-listening to each of them, just watching, listening, mostly smelling, and taking it all in. I was just so enjoying the down-time. I could do that for days on end, months on end, and never get tired of it. So...happy. Even just relaxing, so happy. Such an easy atmosphere to Mangy's living room.

But...that was when the first negative thought hit--it wasn't going to last. Sunday night. The next morning I had to leave. And go home. ...and say goodbye.

Luckily enough, someone started mentioning movies and I was drawn out of that thought and back into the present. Eventually we decided on The Dark Knight. I was rather leery of it, and just from the trailer they showed me, I wanted to declare that I /would not/ see anything of that nature, ever. :6:

That reaction sort of surprised me--usually I'm totally indecisive because I honestly don't care, as I think I mentioned in an earlier post. I have a mainly open mindset about all those types of things. So partly because it startled me and partly because I rarely object to anything even if I'm not enjoying it--I didn't say no and just went along with it. It couldn't be /that/ bad. It wasn't really a big deal. :P

We piled into Mangy's truck again, Hood said something quotable which I promptly forgot, and finally I was convinced to sit up front. Pfft. I never sit up front unless I'm the only one there, I always let others. But they convinced me, so I did.

And we turned the Happy CD on. :D I couldn't see Hood, but from her various verbal reactions, I gathered that she was pretty much going O.o at most of the songs. Wonderful reaction. ^_^

The three in the backseat got into some seriously odd topics. I don't remember what most of them were about, because once they hit on something odd, Mangy started telling me about how it was like that at the Moot--various CPeeps getting into the craziest conversations ever.

Hood told us where to turn, and we finally got to her house. Far too quickly. We all piled out to say farewell for now, and eventually let her go. Since then, Hood told me that her younger sister, Boom, was watching from the window and wondering if we were ever going to let her leave. I'd thought it was actually a rather quick goodbye myself :6:

So we got to the theatre finally, piled out (yes...I use the phrases "piled out" or "piled in" a lot...habit...), and went inside. I didn't have two dollars (can I stress this enough--I was BROKE! :P ) so Mangy let me borrow two dollars of hers. I still need to pay her back :6:

While we were getting tickets, I was for some reason talking about romance novels with Mangy. O.o Don't ask.

We sat down, the movie played.

I'll just say that during the movie, I kept sort of looking over at the others, and seeing Midget, I think, leaning against Mangy. ^_^ I just love seeing stuff like that. It's just... :)

I won't go into any sort of movie review type of thing here, because even nearly a month later, I'm still trying to form exact thoughts/opinions on it. It's really intriguing and thought-provoking and I'm glad I saw it, but for that night let's just say...it was REALLY, REALLY, REALLY creepy. <<

Creepiest thing I've ever seen, and probably ever will see. I couldn't even form any opinion or be in any way thoughtful about it because the initial opinion was "AAAGH! O.o"

:P

It may sound silly, but...eh, I'm a wimp. In some ways. I'm strange. I've watched CSI since I was little--my mom used to have it on during meals. :6: I don't get grossed out easily, obviously. But I can watch those sorts of shows and not be creeped out. LoTR has never bothered me, those criminal shows, Doctor Who (though it's sometimes creepy), it's all whatever. But something like that can totally randomly just freak me out. :oops: -strange-

Anyway, we piled back into the car, and it was rather cold, so I was shivering, and I was in the backseat sort of like "-twitch- o.o" while everyone was talking, probably about the movie. Wait, I think it was mostly about the other people in the theatre, who'd apparently been talking during the movie a lot. I didn't really notice...people don't tend to bother me much. The Happy CD was on, and of course the next song was that one about the guy's head falling off. XD

I turned to Legolas and half-laughing said "This is a happy song...unless you've just watched that movie!" She laughed, and then looked at me closely and said, "you alright?"

That...totally shocked me. Seriously. I'm not used to being around actual people in person. It's been a long time. And the friends I used to have, well, none of them were really the same sorts of real friends I have now. And the online friends I used to have weren't really...er...that good either. -shrug- And with the few times I've met the amazing friends I have now, I've never been anything but awesome so there's been no cause to even think of that sort of thing. And then online--usually I'm in a coherent enough state of mind that nobody knows anything is wrong unless I want them to, and when things are wrong I usually don't have too much trouble telling at least someone that there's something wrong (and when they do pick up on something I don't mean for them to, I'm rather shocked).

So to have someone notice me at all, in person, /and/ pick up on the fact that I was sort of freaked, was a rather new experience to me. :oops: I think it may have only half-happened once before. :6:

I answered that yeah, I'd be fine, especially since I'd be going back to Mangy's that night, but hopefully when I got back home and the nightmares started, this didn't help them along.

Legolas seemed surprised that I mostly only have nightmares at home (for the record: I believe that home is where your heart is, but I can't seem to find a suitable word to replace "home" when talking about it, without saying "the house my physical form currently resides in most of the time" :P so bear with me).

But eventually we got talking about other stuff the rest of the ride to Mangy's. Then I hugged Legolas a lot and we all said goodbye to her. I'd still see her soonishly, since we lived in the same state, and she'd see Midget and Mangy again before Midget left...and she sees Mangy all the time, so it wasn't really a tragic parting.

Mangy, Midget, and I sat around in the living room, Midget checked her computer, I think, and then pretty much went to sleep. Mangy and I pulled out our laptops and were on them for awhile. I'm pretty sure it was too late for anyone to be on, so I just checked all my normal things, browsed CP, etc. And chatted to Mangy, even though she was sitting next to me. :P

Eventually Mangy went to bed, though, and Midget went to sleep for real that time. I stayed up, though. I just...couldn't make myself sleep yet. Part of it was the creepiness of the movie, part of it was the dreading the morrow's goodbyes, and part of it was just...habitual insomnia, I s'pose.

So I sat up a few extra hours, and decided to read a rather long post on a CPer's blog that I wasn't going to get into that night, but since I was staying up, I went for it. I was actually starting to tear up and cry by the end :oops: so I was glad everyone was asleep. Then, with that on my mind instead, I got up and got ready for sleeping.

I didn't feel like changing out of my clothes :6: and at home, I actually usually sleep in the clothes I intend to wear the next day or the clothes I just wore that day, depending on my shower schedule that day, to save myself laundry, time, and pajamas-hassle. :6:

But I did get up and take off my shirt so I could read what everyone wrote on the back. ^_^ And that shirt is now the best shirt IN THE WORLD, I swear. It was already cool because it had my name on it, and I was going to get people to sign it, but now it's just amazing. I can't wait to get EVERYONE to sign it. Every CPer I meet, for sure, no matter how much of a dork it makes me look like to ask them. XD

I've washed it once since then, when I got home, and refuse to wear it again until I need to get it signed, and maybe not even then. :oops: I'm afraid to wash it too much.

Er, anyway, not much else to say. I then went back out, and...fell asleep.

The End.

Yes, yes, I realise there was a Monday morning. But that was a sad, annoying, and sad day. Well, not a sad day for anyone else--Mangy and Midget still had the rest of her stay, and for all I know goodbyes don't affect them as much as they do me. But it was a rather sad and awful day for me, and I don't want this story to have so much of a sad ending. :oops: If everyone posts and /demands/ it of me, then I'll post it, but otherwise, this is where it ends. At the end of a really fun day. ^_^

Hope you enjoyed. :D

The Colorado Mooti Min And Other Adventures Part V: The Mini-Moot

2009-01-17T03:09:00.005-07:00

Ha-HA! And finally we arrive at the mini-moot itself. Sorry if some of the details are incomplete or a little bit off...I seriously should write these things up sooner after they happen. :oops: But I'll do my best.

I s'pose I'll start off with what I neglected to mention in the previous post(s). Cookies. I know, how dare I forget them, right? Seriously, though, my poor dear Hood has had to put up with, over the past months, my continual evenings filled with my bragging of how I'm making yet more luscious chocolate-chip cookies... it's got to be torture. I finally promised to bring her some the next time I saw her--which just happened to be this time. So I made some and brought them down--and of course I had a /ton/ left over so I just sort of brought those along, too, for everyone else at the mini-moot. :D Mangy grabbed the big bag, and I grabbed the cookies for Hood.

/Then/ we got in the car to leave.

That drive was So. Nerve. Wracking. It was the second longest short ride I've ever been on thus far (the first was the drive from one side of the street to the other, when I met my very first CPers--Mangy and Hood, but that's another story) but not nearly as long or nerve-wracking as I expect from other similar short drives in the next year. :oops:

So, I was sitting in the back clutching my purse and the cookies for Hood, my mind whirling. I was about to go to a real mini-moot! Reuniting with Hood, Legolas, Nia. Meeting Twinkie, meeting a whole bunch of other CPeeps that I knew at various stages of friendship, and probably the most nerve-wracking bit, meeting Wolfsong. XD :oops:

I don't do crowds. Not that I don't want to, I just haven't. I'm not used to being surrounded by lots of people in close quarters, /especially/ friends, /especially/ people I haven't really met or spent time with in person before... yeah. :P

And something I probably haven't mentioned--guys. O.o I'm, like, never around or in contact with guys. Not for any specific reason, it just hasn't happened. I have socialising issues. :P I haven't really been in close quarters with any guy I wasn't related to (and even relatives are usually very rare) since pretty much early elementary school before I was homeschooled. Not at church, or anything--ours just have never had guys anywhere close to my age. The closest was when I met some friends-of-friends, sort-of friends of mine, who were guys just a bit older than me. But that was fairly brief and didn't end good anyway :6:

Another note which doesn't have to do with the mini-moot either, but does have to do with the topic--I've never hugged any guys. Except my dad sometimes, and probably some male relatives when I was little. Not like I object to it--if I'd had any guy friends before I'm sure I would have. And the guy friends I do have now I wish I knew IRL so I /could/ hug them right now. :P

But anyway, the point I might eventually get around to making is that I have nervous/freak-out issues with meeting guys. :P I assume/hope I'll get over this eventually now that I actually know some, and I've vowed that that will never stop me from meeting the guy friends I do have. But the fact that I didn't really know Wolfsong that much, and would be in the same room with him, freaked me out. It's a reaction I've never been able to control. :P

ANYWAY, so I was contemplating all of that, and then we pulled up, I waited for Midget to open the door (they were child-locked in the back), and walked into Panera. There'd been a call from Puella's Journey, so we knew she'd be there before us, and Hood had mentioned getting there early so I figured she'd already be there, too. Which was right on.

As soon as we stepped through the door into Panera--which I'd only been to once before briefly, but decided I really liked--I saw Hood and grinned. Then hugged her rather tight for as long as I thought I could get away with. And yep, she still smelled the same as the last time I met up with her. ^_^

I handed her the cookies, at long last, and then her mom unexpectedly stood up and hugged me, too. :P Then I got to meet Puella, who also hugged me, but more of a brief nice-to-meet-you hug. I wasn't quite sure what to think of her, yet, but she struck me as very friendly and outgoing, as well as "trendy" which is the only way I can think to put my initial reaction.

Hood's mom departed, Hood met Midget, everyone met everyone else, and we piled back into the community room or...whatever it's called. There were several other people there but we didn't pay them much heed. Legolas was already back there drawing, I /think/. Either that or she arrived right away after. But I think she was already there. Those moments are fuzzy for some reason. 0o;;

Forgive me if the next bit is confusing--I'm just going to let it be confusing because I want to get it all down so I can read it back later and remember it right. :P So just skip it if you don't care where everyone sat.

We all sat down, then stood up and moved some chairs around and put tables together, the sudden commotion causing a couple of the people in there to leave, and sat down again. I was sitting on the edge of the table, facing /away/ from the entrance, goodness knows why I chose that. Obviously I wasn't thinking clearly. I made Hood sit next to me to my right, since the other end was a corner, and Legolas was sitting on /her/ right.Midget was across the table from me, on that corner, and Mangy and Puella's Journey were setting up closer to the other end of the table on the same side that Midget was on.

Bree came in shortly thereafter, we got to meet her, and sat next to Midget. Tony Fritz arrived at about the same time, as did Dolphin. Tony Fritz sat next to Bree and Midget, and Dolphin sat way at the other end near Mangy and Puella. Angel J came in with her mom, and her mom set up back in a corner, because by that time, we had officially scared everyone away. :D Which was awesome.

Balto and Beowulf came in, I jumped up to hug them, then sat back down. Nia had gotten there sometime by then. O.o I don't actually...remember when. For some reason she was just there, but I know she wasn't there at first. Huh. -hits self in the head- My brain's malfunctioning. :P I was on overload, I have an excuse.

Then Mrs. Paul and her friend Kelsey (unsure how to spell it) arrived. Mrs. Paul participated in the chatter and wittiness, but stayed out of the games for the most part. She was doing some sort of...craft something. Unsure. It involved a scary monkey. <<

I believe that was everyone who was coming except Wolfsong, who was late ("of course", apparently).

About this time I started just watching everyone and wondering what they were thinking of it all. I was rather surprised I hadn't done this until now on the whole trip, and that I /was/ doing it then considering I was on overload.

I just kept looking at people, like Hood, wondering what she was thinking at that time, wondering what she was feeling, what she thought of it all, who she was thinking about, what she was seeing and noticing.

Legolas was drawing again, which by then didn't surprise me, and I was wondering if she was really so absorbed in it, or if she was paying attention to her surroundings at all--impossible to tell.

Mangy was chattering like crazy and looking like she was enjoying herself immensely. In the middle of a CP-withdrawal, I can't even imagine how nice it must have been to still be able to be surrounded by CPers anyway. I wondered what else she was thinking of, though.

Midget kept looking out the window. Sort of staying distant from the conversations, staring out the window rather...distantly. She sort of looked tired, too. I spent a lot of time staring at her, and several times nearly asked if she was okay, but ended up saying nothing. :oops:

So while we were still chattering, before the games started, Hood pulled out, as promised, a tiny pink rubber duck. :D It is /the/ cutest thing, ever. Anyone who's talked to me a lot possibly knows I have a slight obsession with ducks, and with throwing them. :D I love that little duck. I'm still trying to name it, though.

Now, I carry around with me, in my purse, this plushy blue dragon I call Mal. I generally rarely have cause to open my Mary-Poppins-esque green purse, so few people find out about this little guy. I was exclaiming over my little duck, and decided she needed to meet Mal. Midget turned to listen to something Bree was saying, just as I reached down, unzipped my purse, and pulled out the large-looking plushy dragon. Somewhat larger-looking in comparison to the very tiny rubber duckie. As soon as I put him on the table with her, Midget looked back over. It was like a split second.

Midget was totally taken aback. Her eyes went all O.o and she said, "Where'd that come from?!" :P Needless to say, we all cracked up, and spent the next five minutes obsessing over her reaction and explaining where it had come from. It was one of those, "just when I think I've got you figured out, Annie..." moments. :P

Nia vanished again--to pick up Twinkie I discovered, and a game was started. Beyond Balderdash. Wolfsong wasn't there but they weren't going to keep waiting. Midget was still staring out the window.

Midget, Tony Fritz, and Bree were in one team. Me, Hood, and Legolas were another. Then there were two more teams on the opposite end of the table, and Mangy was the official definition-reader-person-thing.

And gosh, do you know how hard it is to relate what we were doing, where we were, who we were with, and what I thought of it all, all at once when I was on overload myself?

But anyway, I didn't really know the game that well, and I hold that I'm only clever when I've got a keyboard in front of me. IRL, I fail at cleverness. And according to Hood, so does she. And Legolas was busy drawing practically the whole time. She helped a bit, of course, but was mainly absent. So it was the team of two failures and the absent one. :oops: Midget, Tony Fritz, and Bree were easily winning.

About this time, someone spotted Wolfsong walking up outside the window, said "there's Wolfsong!" and everyone's head snapped over to see. XD It was odd. I laughed. But someone suggested that when he walked in, everyone had to give him a standing ovation. The idea caught on quick, so when he finally walked in, we did. :P That rocked.

I still wasn't sure what to make of him--yep, the crazy hair was real--other than the fact that he was apparently the great Wolfsong. And of course, he had to wander over and sit by me, basically in between me and Midget, on the end of the table. So I was all O.o the whole time. But I got used to it after a bit.

Especially since THE WINNING TEAM GRABBED HIM. >.< :P Seriously. Midget and Tony Fritz and Bree all grabbed him for their team. Meanwhile the two proudly Epic Failures and the absent drawer got NO HELP. And Wolfsong knew the ACTUAL definitions for several of the rounds, earning them extra points, of COURSE.

I threatened (quietly to Hood) to throw my pink duck at them all multiple times. Just ask her, she'll tell you how often I did, but never followed through probably much to her disappointment, haha.

But I was rather glad, because Midget had stopped looking out the window, and looked like she was finally having fun. Which I hoped meant that she'd just been wondering where Wolfsong was and was now enjoying herself.

And Wolfsong has the weirdest laugh ever. Seriously. Whenever he cracked up, I swear I thought he was about to die. :P

Nia came back with Twinkie towards the end. She sat on the very corner, between me and Wolfsong, and Twinkie went over to sit by Mangy on the other side of the table. Nia was impatient for the game to be over with, and finally it was. With, unsurprisingly, the four-membered team winning. Pfft. Cheaters. :P

So Nia--wait. My mind's gone crazy. I can't remember whether we started into the other game first, or whether Nia did the announcement...my mind is leaning towards the announcement first, so I'll tell it that way. Anyone can feel free to correct me.

Okay, so for non-CPers, or for CPers who happen to be reading this blog and somehow never saw the Grab Bag Poetry Challenge, that was the last ECP (extra credit project) of 2008. Writing a poem a week for twelve weeks. Then everyone who participated throughout the whole thing entered one polished poem from those weeks into a poll, and all of CP (all who decided to vote) could vote for two poems that they liked best.

I'd been keeping a close eye on the poll, and having not even been anywhere close to a poet at /all/ before the challenge, hadn't expected any votes. And I really expected Wolfsong--who is amazing at poetry--to win. Even though I didn't like his entry for the poll, because I don't like freeverse. :6: I like my poems to have a rhythm to them. :6:

But anyway, I'd been keeping a close eye on it, and when the poll closed--/I/ was tied with /Wolfsong/ for /first place/ O.o So yeah. Pretty unexpectedly like whoa. :P

Anyway, the winners needed to be announced and given their prizes, and since we were both right /there/ it was quite convenient for everyone. So Nia made the announcement, talking about the challenge for a bit, and mentioned how there were several people who knew nothing about poetry and had developed into pretty good poets just by participating in it, and I raised my hand all "yeah, that's me," and she agreed, said I could pretty much be the poster child for that statement. :P

Then she handed the both of us these really sweet 2009 Magnetic Poetry Calendars, to which I gawked at before saying "shiney" which got a lot of laughter. <<

I totally have the calendar hanging up on the wall with stuff already scribbled on it in my terrible handwriting in a purple sharpie, and have been playing around with the magnetic poetry words on it. :D

Anyway, so I was thrilled, and sort of still like O.o and also like hey, everyone's looking at me, shouldn't I be trying to hide or something?

But a second later, everyone went back to their own chatter, pretty much, and I turned to talk to Hood, totally wrapped up in the moment, only noticing everyone else to the point where I knew they were all in their own conversations, too. I was obsessing about how cool it was, and about how I totally /tied/ with /Wolfsong/ on /poetry/ after not being a poet at all. :oops:

Then I heard this really loud, "ANNIE!!!" and practically jumped out of my chair, turning to Midget (who is pretty much the only one who calls me Annie--since it was the nickname she gave me. :) ). I didn't have to say anything, my face was clearly shocked mixed with 'what?!'

She didn't have to say anything either, of course, just gestured to Wolfsong sitting next to her, who was expectantly waiting for me to high-five him. :P I just about literally mimicked the :oops: smilie guy, high-fived him, felt like a dork for being unobservant, got over it, :D, and then Nia came back around and got everyone's attention for the next game.

We decided on Taboo, which I'd never heard of, but since my brother watches some of those weird old game shows, I actually knew the basic concept, once I realised that it was that same sort of game.

We split up into two teams, both sides of the table split basically equally. At about that time, I realised that I hadn't really gotten to interact with the other half of the table. Nor they with my half of the table. It was like we really were split anyway. I sort of hope at the next mini-moot I get to hang out with those who made up "the other side" so I can be all equally sociable. :6:

But I wouldn't've been on the other side that night for the world. I got to be next to Hood, who I'm inexplicably immensely comfortable around, Nia who is fun :), Midget who was only visiting for a short while and who I wanted to spend every minute near /anyway/, and Wolfsong. Plus Tony Fritz and Bree and I think Twinkie was on our side, too.

So the way the circle went, I actually didn't end up having to go first, or anywhere close to first. I'd end up being last, which I thought would be fine with me. :P Just a couple rounds in, I was the only one who hadn't been shouting out words at all because I hadn't known them--I don't think quickly on my feet. Then someone...I don't actually remember who from our team, dunno if anyone else does...got a card and started describing it. Well I knew what it was, so I randomly shouted out, "hickey!"

Which was right. :P
But still...when that was the /only one/ I'd known the whole time, and I was the /only one/ on my whole team who'd thought of it and yelled it out, at least that quickly... yeah. :P I felt like a freak. But I was too busy laughing to care, and Hood was cracking up /so/ bad.

Ah yes, laughing. Did I mention that I was pretty much dizzy from lack of air from laughing /that whole afternoon/ so far? 'cos I was. Somehow on reflection it's easy to filter that bit out to tell about the surroundings. But I really was laughing the whole time. My mouth hurt SO BAD. So did my stomach.

Finally it was my turn to get up, the last round. I hadn't guessed anything since the one guess I'd gotten. So I got up with Mangy, who got three. Then it was my turn. I got zero. ZERO! My mind totally blanked. I got nothing. I didn't even hardly /say/ anything. O.o

Haha, it was a /total/ Epic Fail. In the finest form of Epic Failure. So our team lost. By three. :P Of course. Which means I blew it for our poor team. I don't think they minded, though ;) We were quite predictably having too much fun.

Although I did obsess a bit about failing so epically to Hood.

After that, Mrs. Paul wanted to join in, as she hadn't during the actual game. So she went through an entire stack just for fun, with everyone just guessing randomly until finally someone got it or she used a word she wasn't supposed to. Which happened quite often, actually. Nia had fun with the buzzer.

Some really crazy things came out of that. Really crazy. But I mostly stayed silent, in fact, I don't think I uttered a word and barely a sound beyond laughter. I was mostly observing. Watching everyone again, as I hadn't done that most of the time, and felt it necessary to start again ASAP. Mostly, from my position, I watched Hood, Mrs. Paul, Nia who was standing next to her, Mangy, Twinkie, Midget sometimes, and Wolfsong.

At one point, Wolfsong flipped open his laptop. Which was interesting. He was the only person to have a laptop and then set it up. Nobody really noticed, I think, at first, with him all the way on the opposite end from Mrs. Paul.

But eventually Mrs. Paul finished the stack, and Nia came back over to sit on the corner. So she could see what Wolfsong was doing. I was at just the wrong angle, unfortunately. was obsessing a bit over that, sadly, so I missed the talking and thought process that led to the activity that came next, but we ended up doing a Live TTT.

On CleanPlace, the TTT (Three Things Thread) is pretty much the most popular thread. For anyone who doesn't know it, it's just posting random stuff in three sections. Some three random things about you, usually what you're doing or have done that day, just a way to keep everyone generally updated, and to talk back and forth on it if there's a couple of people on posting consecutively. Stuff like that. I rather like it; it's the highlight of CP. :P Though Hood will argue and say no, the Countdown Thread is...

Anyway. We would do a Live TTT. As in, go around in the circle, and everyone say three things about themselves. Sounded good. I started thinking what the heck I could possibly say for mine.

Mangy started, and her three things were pretty much all one tale...I believe it was about her and her husband meeting, and what she was like in highschool. I wish I could remember, but everyone's three things all blur together at this point. One of Twinkie's was about how she got her name (Mysterious Twinkie), and another was about a paramedic she liked? O.o

I don't really remember Bree's or Tony Fritz's :oops: which I feel bad about. (if you've been paying attention, you can tell which way the circle is moving. :P )

Then Midget--I don't remember her other things, but for one of them, she said. "Oh, I'm incapable of finding oatmeal."

I just about died laughing. Everyone else sort of laughed like "okay, that was weird and nonsensical, but a bit funny" and I think Mangy and Legolas sort of got it (but Legolas was drawing...I believe...still...again... :P ). But I was pretty much alone in my totally cracking-up-dying-of-laughter-someone-force-me-to-breathe-before-I-pass-out thing. :6: Which made me feel like more of a dork, but at least Midget was laughing with me. :P Then she proceeded to explain the shopping incident.

Wolfsong's three things involved something about his school, and his work-in-progress.

Nia's three things I actually don't remember at all for some reason. Possibly because I was next and thinking oh crap, everyone'll be looking at me again, and I'm totally uninteresting, I have nothing to say about myself. Possibly because I was thinking that, and also watching Wolfsong as he was trying to read my pants.

Yes. My Epic Pants. Don't know about them? Too bad for you. It was interesting watching him watching my pants, though...as weird or wrong as that may sound. :oops: In fact, it was really interesting watching him watching other people at all. And watching everyone else watching everyone else...

I like watching people watching people, if you couldn't tell. XD

But eventually it did get to my turn, and...I had nothing to say. I sort of stared at the wall. Then I stared a bit at random people who were looking at me, sort of going "well...hm. Yeahp...got nothing...".

I've always hated the center of attention. But I don't mind it so much these days. Maybe it means I'm learning to have fun, or getting less insecure, learning that I can be crazy and have fun and people will probably like me /better/, if not just the same. Certainly not less. :P

But it didn't help with coming up with anything. Finally, Mangy suggested I tell them where I live. So I went on about how I lived slightly off-center from the middle of nowhere, etc. Then I sat around staring in a totally quiet room some more.

Then Nia said I should tell them about my Epic Jeans! So I stood up so people could see them a bit better and explained how Elraen had been making some with lyrics and everything, and posting about them all over the real TTT as she was doing so. Well, that just sounded too awesome. Way too awesome. So I'd grabbed a bunch of coloured sharpies and made my own! Mine were crazier, with some lyrics but more doodles, some quotes, some random words, a lot of inside jokes and friend references, and a lot of crazy colours. Very Epic, in a totally different and yet nearly similar way.

Too bad I wasn't quite that eloquent there, though. I just explained the basics. Then, in a move that shocked me once I realised I was doing it, I jumped up on my chair and did a random look-at-my-epic-pants move, then hopped down, and sat there innocently like "who, me?"

:P

Of course, I needed a third thing. So after sitting around for a bit, Nia finally prompted me by asking well, what work in progress do you have? And so my third thing was "I'm not writing anything at the moment!" and then we moved on.

At this point, Wolfsong asked again--he'd asked a couple times previously but had been cut off and mostly unnoticed--if he could invite Kryos into the mini-moot. Kryos hadn't been able to make it, which was disappointing. Wolfsong turned his laptop around--he happened to have everyone's attention, finally--and Kryos was on video chat!

Cue one of the best lines of the evening, "The mini-moot is now officially a teleconference."

So the laptop did the rounds, everyone waved hi, and then there was some chattering started. Hood looked relieved. I asked, deviously, if she was glad because maybe they'd forget and spare her the TTT. She said yes. I stood up abruptly, dorkily knocking my chair over but that at least got their attention, and pointed urgently at Hood's head, half-yelling "It's herrr tuuurrrn!"

To this day, I have NO CLUE what prompted me do to such actions as crazy yelling and jumping up on chairs doing epic-pants-dances. >.< .

But I did. I'm getting to be /so/ weird :P So Hood got her turn. I don't really remember her three things--sorry, Hood!--nor do I remember anyone's three things after that. At all. O.o My memory of that is totally blank. I remember talking. Just not...what...was said. Oh dear. I think I was watching Kryos on the video chat the whole time, and his reaction to everything. It must've made me forget everything people said. <<

But anyway, the TTT went fairly quick after that, actually, as Balto and Beowulf had to leave as soon as it was over. So it was rushed anyway. Then we all got up and crowded together for a group picture. Which I shall post here. :D

I won't make any comments on the picture, because we'd be here another day talking about that. :P We'll leave it as Bree photographed the best (apologies to those who don't know which she is) and Wolfsong looks like some evil mad scientist (he's easy to pick out even for those who don't know him--he's the only guy there, for one, and he's the only one who looks like some evil crazy mad scientist, for another). Oh, and I think it's great that you can actually see Kryos :P

Balto and Beowulf scurried off after quick goodbyes--and they left so quick I didn't get them to sign my shirt. <<

After that everyone just sat around mingling and chattering. I remember standing up, leaning back against the wall, and just taking everyone in for a couple minutes--maybe it was only seconds, I don't know. It was already dark out so the only light was coming from inside. The walls were all in that warm, pretty tones and colours. And of course it was Panera so it smelled awesomeful. It was a very comforting atmosphere.

I was surrounded by friends. I didn't know all of them that well, but they were all friends of a sort. And most of them were pretty good friends. And a few were really amazing wonderful friends. I was surrounded, I was happy, overflowing with joy, just so content, wishing it never had to end. I just tried to soak it all up, the unintelligible chatter among everyone, the smell, the feelings, and preserve that specific memory as good as possible, bottling it up for later.

After that point, lots of little random things happened. They're all muddled up in my memory, so I'll just pretend they all happened in the sequence I'll write them out here. :P

A lot of people grabbed something to eat about that time--we were at Panera after all, good food. I know Hood got some sort of soup. I believe Midget was still loading up on Mountain Dew.

I was still broke--obviously, I mean, it's not like I was going to magically become un-broke in one day :P. So I managed to avoid eating in the huge crowd and commotion.

I doodled all over the plastic wrapping on the calendar. I am strange.

I was sitting there with Hood, and Nia came over and handed us both the cutest little Bath & Body Works red bags gift things. ^_^

I made everyone sign my shirt. I just sort of subtly pulled out my sharpie, handed it to Hood, and turned around. :P I slowly made my way around the room, through all the chatter, managing to grab everyone and have them sign my shirt, pretty much without it being a big deal. Nobody but the person who was signing my shirt at that moment even bothered noticing. Well, noticing as in bringing it up. Which was nice. :P I wasn't trying to cause a scene with it or anything.

I /did/ notice others who noticed it, though they didn't say anything. Wolfsong watched a couple people sign my shirt. Angel J noticed at one point, and I grinned to let her know I was making my way over to her.

Nia wrote a haiku--one of my totally favourite forms of poetry--on my sleeve. :D I couldn't read it, but she said she was writing a haiku. I didn't actually get to read anyone's because they were on my back, of course. Pfft. :P

So eventually everyone but Wolfsong had signed my shirt. He was outside the community room on the phone or something, and I was all "Oh crap...I still can't even look at him straight, how am I going to actually talk to him and get him to sign my shirt?"

Looking back on it, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's always so much worse when it's happening. Especially with my strange issues. Besides, he was the great Wolfsong that I'd heard so much about but had rarely even spoken to--it wasn't like he was one of my other few guy friends I know online, who I probably would have been able to get over that initial freakout with and get used to since they're my good friends...he was just this legendary CPer person.

I made my way over to Mangy and sort of half-explained why I was finding myself incapable of talking to Wolfsong. And Mangy rocks. Seriously. When Wolfsong came back in the room, she just called him over and was all just "Hey, come here, you haven't signed Anywhere's shirt yet!" and I handed him the sharpie.

I know anyone who's reading this is probably wondering what sort of a major dork I am, but meh. :P

So he thought for a minute and then said "Oh! I know, I'm going to be clever here." and then wrote something.

:P

Then I believe Bree left--I don't exactly remember--and Wolfsong left, Mrs. Paul and her friend Kelsey left (though...I think Kelsey may have left earlier 0o;; ). Nia and Twinkie left, too, and Hood and I helped carry out games. Some guy held the door open for Hood and I, and I nodded a quiet thanks, while Hood quite clearly said "Thank you, sir!"

This started a discussion on boldness between us, briefly interrupted by hugs from Nia and Twinkie. :P But we started it up again after they left as we were slowly heading back in--the cool air felt good after being in that room with all those people for so long, though we were having such fun we didn't notice 'til then. Or at least I didn't notice until then.

I, of course, won the boldness argument, Hood was obviously bolder. /She/ hadn't had to ask Mangy to ask Wolfsong to sign /her/ shirt. <<

But anyway, Hood wasn't sure if she was going to be able to go to Mangy's--which was where everyone was headed after Panera--so she called her mom, and was able to.

A couple of the girls who were driving alone--it was only, like, five minutes to Mangy's house, of course--tried to get Hood or Midget to go with them, but they declined and/or managed their way out of it. :oops:

Which I was glad for, 'cos it meant they were going with me :6: I'm so greedy when it comes to time spent with some of my best friends. :P

So we got into Mangy's car, and took off.

And that's where this ends for now. The mini-moot wasn't quite over, but I've already got a huge post on my hands. The next section will be up soonishly. :) Oh, and I refuse to edit this whole post, so you're getting the raw version of this one, too. :P

The Colorado Mooti Min and Other Adventures Part IV: Sunday Morning

2009-01-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

And finally we get to the next day! Not that there was anything wrong with Saturday. :D

Sunday morning seemed to just fly by, strangely enough. Perhaps it was the anxious trepidation I had for the mini-moot in the afternoon. Perhaps it was the fact that the previous day had started so early and been so full. Perhaps both. :P

But in the morning I woke up...and smiled. :) Seriously.

Usually when I wake up (unless I've had one of those dreams where you have to sit and wait for your memory to return for, like, ten minutes) I sort of stare at the ceiling and go "ugh...another day. better get up and face it. yeah. really should get up. maybe I'll go back to bed for another while..." :P

But at Mangy's, I awoke, smiled, sat up, and looked at Midget still sleeping while sorting out my thoughts for the day. She was on the couch fold-out thing and I was on the floor (I insisted :P ).

Whenever I'm at Mangy's, I have CPer-filled dreams. They're often vague and fuzzy and I never remember anything when I wake up except for the feeling that they were joyful. I don't often have dreams relevant to /anything/...usually they're either nightmares or totally whacked. So having CPeeps in my dreams is nice, I've only had that twice at home (...three times if you count the half-remembered nightmare I had about Maranar and Midget both getting beaten to death with shovels in a CSI-style dream O.o ), and I always do at Mangy's. It's because her house is so comfortable and awesome. And it has this...aura. My dear Hood put it nicely when she said you could just feel the "Ghosts of CPers Past" radiating from her walls. Which sounds like they all died (...hopefully not with shovels). XD But you know what I mean. :P

It wasn't that early, maybe 8 or so, and I'd still probably only had about 6 hours of sleep, but I felt totally rested and like I could get up and run around in circles outside. :P

I couldn't hear anyone moving around upstairs yet and Midget was still asleep, but I figured it wouldn't be long, so I got up, got dressed, and I wore my Epic Pants that day, as well as my Anywhere-shirt that I wanted signed ('cos the mini-moot was iminent), folded up all the blankets and stuff from the floor, and, since nobody was awake still, grabbed my laptop. I did all my usual things--checked CP, email, chatted a bit with Maranar who's usually the only person on at that time. ^_^

Finally I heard some noises and such upstairs and knew they were starting to get up and around and would be down soonishly. Midget half-woke up, but still just stayed where she was for awhile, after smiling over at me. I think at that point, I put my laptop away.

And then things got crazy-fast. :P In my mind, it's like it's all in double time, I swear. Mangy and family came downstairs; I somehow got out of eating breakfast; Mangy, Midget, and I whisked off to Walgreens for something they needed; we got in line, we got in a different line; we got back to Mangy's; we grabbed the kids, and we ended up at Mangy's church.

Mangy's church is so nice. ^_^ Nice people there. :) Oh, and I got to meet Muzik, (mentor on CP) which was kind of funny 'cos I hadn't even "met" him online before that. :P

Even that seemed to go sort of quick, though. Dropped the kids off at...wherever they get dropped off at O.o and sat down. It's funny, but one of the clearest memories now from that whole weekend was just the random walking through the hallways and such, me and Midget being goofy and following Mangy. I can just see it and smell it and feel it clearly still.

Anyway, I won't go into the story of the video that they played for the service, but it was a fairly heart-wrenching half hour interview that we watched that morning. By the end, I looked over and Mangy's eyes were watering, and I couldn't see Midget.

It couldn't really keep us solemn and contemplative for long, though, I guess, because we went and got Mangy's kids and by the time we got back to the car, we were talking about CP again. :P

I've decided one of my new favourite things is listening to CPers talk about other Cpers. I'm still a fairly new CPer, and even with my excessive reading through old threads and getting to know CPeeps individually, there's still a lot of stuff that I can't find out that way. Especially about the Mooters. :6: But just on the drive back, I got to hear quite a bit of...guess I should call it "gossip" :D As well as various opinions and simply talking about people. :6:

Back at Mangy's, things seemed to slow down to a normal pace, even though we really weren't there for that long. Me and Midget pulled out our laptops and sat on the couch while Mangy and her family were in the kitchen doing various things--I believe Mangy's husband was going through some large book related to his work, the kids were sort of all over the place and then eating lunch I think, and Mangy was eating lunch.

The computer stuff isn't exciting for you to read, so I won't go on about that. But it /was/ quite fun to have someone to be sitting right next to, to read over her shoulder and have her reading over mine. It made the chat conversations interesting, too. :P

After awhile Mangy somehow got us to go in the kitchen and make lunch, said she wanted to make sure we all ate before the mini-moot. :) Midget and I made sandwiches, and sat there at the table for a bit. Mangy's kitchen just...rocks. It's not that big, but that doesn't matter. :) Just sitting at the table with Midget, Mangy, and her husband who was poring over that book, with Julie and Everest sort of in and out... ^_^ It was so nice. That was another of those capture-this-second-and-bottle-it-up-for-later moments.

Midget and I then headed back to our laptops to wrap things up and say bye to everyone so we could head off to the mini-moot. :ninja:

Right before we left, I grabbed my sharpie and went up to Midget, pulling my hair away and turning around, handing her the sharpie and telling her to sign my shirt. She sort of blinked and then muttered for a bit about not knowing what to write and taking her by surprise. That was the point. :P I didn't want to wait 'til the mini-moot and have her have time to come up with something. So eventually she wrote something and though I wanted to read it, we were leaving. :P

I grabbed my purse and we were out of there. At approximately 1:55pm.

I /did/ say that Sunday morning went quick, and because it did I haven't got as many details or reflections on it, except that it was nice. ^_^

So this is where we end for now. Short update, but the next bit is good, I promise. :D

The Colorado Mooti Min and Other Adventures Part III: Shopping, Movies, and Wonderful Down-time

2009-01-11T05:07:00.002-07:00

Somewhat hastily and rather poorly constructed (even compared to the other ones), hopefully this is so long that it will still make up for my lack of updating for so many days. :P

Alright, /this/ post should conclude Saturday. Obviously it was a long day (but still wonderful).

We piled back into Mangy's truck and off we went. I don't remember which song came on first--Everything's Okay or Lemonade, both by Chris Rice. But one of them did, and there was some slightly sentimental talk about it. I think it was Everything's Okay first...it's the one I remember first, anyway...wait, I can just IM Mangy. :oops: Yes. Yes it was. That one came on first and Midget said that it always made her want to cry. I was told Mangy had made a slideshow for the Moot of '07 using that song.

I just listened to the lyrics of the song...the ones I could understand/remember on the first listen-through while also listening to the talking...and it nearly made /me/ want to cry. Then again, I'd been on the verge of tears the whole time anyway. But I didn't cry, of course. It was just such a sweet song, though. I mean... "everything's okay". Just so simple. It was pretty much indicative of how I was feeling at that point, too. And I rarely feel that way. :)

The next similar song--Lemonade--came on later, and there was some more talk. I think it was Mangy who called it one of the theme songs of her life...something similar, anyway. All I could do throughout this song was grin. "Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why, born on a sunny day beneath the tangerine sky." It definitely fits on a Happy CD, that's for sure. These two songs are seriously now some of my favourites.

I couldn't see the front-seaters from my position that well, but I was under the secret impression that they were close to crying. Then again, I could have been imagining things. ^_^

Enough song talk, though. The first place we stopped at was a bagel place...I don't remember which one. Einstein Bros. Bagels...I /think/. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. We got out of the car and Midget hugged me again. :) I will never get enough of hugs--they're amazing. I can't believe I was so shy and afraid of hugs and physical contact when I was younger. If I could get a hug every five /minutes/ when hanging out with friends, I would. ^_^

-pouts- Makes me wish I had a friend here now to hug...

But anyway. :D We'd just eaten lunch, but it was only soup, so everyone but me (I was broke) got some bagel thing. Midget said she'd been craving some pigs-in-a-blanket thing they had for awhile now. :P I stood in line with Midget since I wasn't getting anything and chattered a bit--I wish I remembered what it was about. I hate how little memories like that fade...but at least the overall feelings stay. That's something. :)

We then sat around--Legolas insisted on her sitting in the sun--and they ate, Legolas drew, and we just chatted for the longest time. Insert evil laughter here, because what we chatted about was people. That we know. Some who probably are reading this blog. I don't often get to talk about mutual acquaintences with friends. Maybe I just don't get out enough, but for some reason I feel all ninja-y now. :P

Somewhere along the way we determined that I had not seen Indiana Jones...I think I got poked for that. We talked and laughed, and got so loud that nobody was sitting within a few tables of us--we actually scared a couple people into moving across the room with our noise. :6: I found it to be hilarious, personally. And I couldn't get enough of Legolas' drawing. I could watch her all day.

At some point, Midget and Legolas ended up in an intense staring battle. Fun to watch, especially when eyes start watering and the corners of their mouths started twitching...

But eventually we did have to leave. So we got up and headed out--and Midget hugged me again. Seriously...I could get used to that. :)
Actually, I couldn't. I'd be thrilled every time. ^_^

We drove over to Blockbuster or whatever the movie place is called...I think that's it. In there we stood around looking at movies for a bit, Mangy was talking to Nia (by phone) for a bit, I believe.

Fast foward through the random hanging out to where Legolas found some drum game and was sitting there playing it. She only had one drumstick, and was trying to use her hand for the other one, but that was basically failing. By that point we were gathered around, all three of us, watching her. Then Midget jumped in and tried to be the other drumstick. It /still/ didn't work, and I was seriously just laughing and laughing. I'm not sure what was so funny. It was just great. The beat was incredibly boring and repetetive. Which made their persistence even more hilarious! Midget located the other drumstick and Legolas proceeded to play the game for what had to be five more minutes, with us just standing around watching her, and me giggling. That rocked.

Finally we left, Mangy talking about how buying movies at Walmart sometime would be cheaper. I have no clue how movie places like that work, so... O.o

After that, we headed over to our last stop, and probably my favourite stop of the day--the grocery store. Don't remember which one--King Soopers? I think. I loved this whole part...but if it bores you, you have permission to skip it. :oops:

Mangy grabbed her list and we all hopped out of the car. I was pretty much delirious by this point, and I had on my poofy, swirly dancing skirt that day, so I just started twirling while we were walking up to the building. Yep. I'm just that odd. But I do love twirling in that skirt. It's great. And I got half-O.o and half-laughing looks from the rest of them. :D

In the store, we sort of just started following Mangy around as she went over to the produce section, so she decided to send us all out to get various things so we weren't just following her like robots or something. She sent off Legolas and Midget, and then sent me off to get Celery Hearts. I was all... eh? What're those? And I swear she practically assumed an :oops:-face. Like...you don't know what celery hearts are?! ^_^ Of course not. Didn't I mention before that I don't get out much?

Legolas came back just then and we went to look for them together. We found them, but Legolas brought them back to Mangy and started a discussion on how they were all floppy and rubbery and not crisp like celery should be. So the lot of us headed over back to that section. We ended up with crisp regular celery. Random playing with floppy celery stalks as if they were dancing was involved. Not by me--I was cracking up too much.

We ended up over by the bread section, next to the deli-meat and cheese section. Mangy was picking out various meats and cheeses she needed, ham and provolone cheese...I believe...and Midget was hunting down a specific type of bread...I don't remember it exactly. 0o;; But it was specific and I'd never heard of it. :P I have no clue why I'm boring you with details. :6:

Mangy looked for her list and realised she didn't have it. She looked everywhere and still it was nowhere to be found. So she headed back over to the produce section to look for it. Midget was having difficulties locating said bread and Legolas set off to help her. I stayed with the cart so nobody would steal everything. :ninja: Or because I really had nothing else to do.

I don't think Mangy ever did find that list. :P It was crazy--we all swear she'd just had it...and then poof! Midget and Legolas came back with the right sort of bread, though, and we wandered over to the cereal isle. Legolas was off getting something else, running all around the store for us by this point.

Mangy sent Midget and I down to the end of the isle for oatmeal...some nasty flavour that I don't like...but no worries 'cos it wasn't going to be consumed by me. :P We got to the end of the isle and Midget looked lost, but she was seriously running on adrenaline by this point because she hadn't slept in waaaaay too long and hadn't even had all that much caffeine, I think. Haha, come to think of it, I was running on pretty much the same, I'm sure...

Anyway, she was looking on the left side of the isle only. Well...the oatmeal wasn't on that side. Midget looked back at me, bewildered. She was all...where is it...I don't see anything...

I didn't really even say anything. I just sort of walked over and picked up the right ones and when she turned around to see what I was doing, I already had them. She blinked and then we both burst out laughing. She went on about how she was such a failure because she couldn't even locate oatmeal!

From that point on, she /obsessed/ about it. She had to redeem herself. She had to prove herself worthy!

Of course, as we left the isle, she half-knocked over a stack of somthing or other that was stacked in the way. That helped her cause a lot...

In the can isle, Mangy gave her a quest--to find two different types of spaghetti sauces. She found one...and then while she was looking for the other, Legolas pointed it out. /Thoroughly/ put out, or so she /said/ while trying not to laugh, Midget headed back to the cart to await another quest to redeem herself, still complaining about how she was incapable of finding oatmeal. She couldn't stop saying that. No matter /how/ many times I patted her on the head.

She did, however, manage to not knock over the boxes at the end of /that/ isle, though. So we wandered down to the other end of the store, following Mangy and laughing, Legolas off running somewhere and hadn't been seen for awhile. About halfway down the end isle, Legolas came panting up to us. She'd been back and forth across the store--/twice/--and /somehow/ hadn't seen us the first time.

Some cracks about her sense of direction followed that, and when Mangy sent her off to do the next thing, Midget and I decided to stalk her to make sure she came back in one piece. Very important mission. So we alternately 'snuck' and ran after Legolas, with her sort of going O.o at us.

I was having the time of my life. Who knew shopping could be so fun? I've sort of lapsed into a fact- rather than thought-filled method of conveying this story to you at this point...probably because it's so late. :oops: And also, at that point I was letting myself take in the details, and wasn't /thinking/ as much, so there were less analytic thoughts throughout this part to convey in the first place. On reflection, maybe that's why it was one of my favourite parts. Not only was it really fun, but by that point I'd just let myself get caught up in it all and wasn't /thinking/. :)

Either way, though, my apologies. :P It's probably getting to be a slightly monotonous story. I feel uninclined to go back and edit at this point, though, so...too bad. :6:

Once we were all back by Mangy, she whipped out her camera and decided it was time for pictureness. Of all things to do in a grocery store--pictures. :D For one of them, we decided to get documented proof of all the running around our dear Legolas was doing for us, so we got an in-motion picture of Legolas running toward the camera. :D

Then she said we should have gotten her acting like she was trying to fly like a superhero or something, and acted it out--nearly falling flat on her face, of course, and /barely/ regaining her balance. Me and Midget cracked up and said now /that/ would have made a good picture...we're so /nice/, aren't we.

At some point along the way, Midget commented about how I really do laugh a lot, don't I. At yet another point, Midget and Legolas got into yet another staring contest. O.o This was happening more often. Strange occurrences. It happened, like, two more times as we were standing in the checkout line. I was pretty much going O.o in real life at them. Then started backing up slowly, muttering something about getting hurt standing between those two. Which caused them both to laugh, meaning I won. :P

So after that I just started staring at Midget--and nearly won a couple times. I don't think I ever did win, though. :P

The bagger...apparently thought we were all sisters? 0o;; Confusing. I couldn't hear most of the conversation, but it was sort of odd. I didn't really understand it and at that point, I was just standing back--mentally, not literally--and taking it all in again. I mean.../I/ was there, doing something totally everyday and yet so extraordinary, with some of my coolest friends. Some awesome, fun people. And I practically had the rest of the weekend to look forward to. I don't think I ever left that warm-fuzzy-I-must-be-hallucinating-but-guess-what-I'm-/not/-and-this-/is/-real blanket feeling over me. Which was fine by me, seriously.

We walked--okay, I twirled, they walked--back out to the truck, and Legolas climbed into the back to pile the groceries in from that angle, and kept trying to convince Mangy to let her stay back there the whole time. It...didn't work. :P

We got back to Mangy's house, and Legolas determined that she would probably have to go home for dinner, or at least to do some stuff...which was disappointing.../but/ then she thought she could work it so that she could come back later to watch movies. :D

Hauling in the groceries was rather easy, putting them away wasn't too hard--Legolas vanished at that point to go home for a bit--although getting all those cans into that very small space in Mangy's cabinet was more challenging than it should have been. O.o I blame my strange organising skills--or possibly lack thereof.

Stuffing the bags into that jug was fun, though... :6: I'm totally a weirdo, I know, but I love stuffing plastic bags in small places like that. I could do that all day. -easily amused- :6:

After that...Midget, Mangy, and me just all hung out in Mangy's living room, although it occurs to me that Mangy was up and about some, too. Eventually her husband and kids--I. Love. Her. Kids.--came down from where they'd been upstairs.

For non-CPers, or those few who don't know Mangy's kids, Julie is 5 and the cutest, funniest, outgoingest little girl. /Priceless/. And Everest, he just turned 2, I believe. Just too adorable. :) I would never get tired of them, I swear.

Although...I could do without the Elmo...

Me and Midget pulled out our laptops and, of course, initiated an IM conversation...though we were...right.../across/ from each other. :P Legolas was back by then, and had started drawing again. That was the first time I realised she really will draw anytime, and everywhere. And will do it awesomely.

Back to the Elmo... Everest had apparently gotten some singing Elmo toy...one of those super-freaky annoying ones... but of course, he had to carry it all around the house... for what had to be /hours/... okay, not hours, but at least one hour, I'm sure. It was traumatic. :P Me and Midget were IMing about it...and seriously cracking ourselves up.

It started with the lines:

Midget: "Everest's hair reminds me of MacGyver's...."
Anywhere: "That song reminds me of a sledgehammer >.<"

:6:

I have never before plotted "a steaming, acidic, GURGLING, bloody death for Elmo's cheerfulness" but that was some serious fun. Kept me in near-hysterics the whole time. While we got very odd looks from Mangy and Legolas who weren't entirely sure what we found so amusing out of nowhere. :D

After awhile, which was probably a lot longer than it seemed, pizza was decided upon for supper and ordered. Once that was there and everyone started eating, I grabbed two pieces, which was more than I intended, but I was hungry :P, and we all headed out to watch Indiana Jones, to introduce me to the awesome, before Nia got there and while the kids were being put to bed.

I sat on the couch for most of that one, after pouting and making them shoo Gray off it. :6: Legolas and Midget were all on the couch with me, but eventually Legolas moved and Midget toppled over, for lack of a better term, but kept offering to sit back up if she was taking up too much space. I just smiled/laughed a bit and said no, she was fine. I don't think I ever did tell her that any physical contact was perfectly pleasant and I couldn't be happier just sitting there.

Honestly...and this applies to everything that weekend...I was just ecstatic to be there at all. I couldn't care less /what/ we did, where we went, who sat where, what we ate, when we ate, what we talked about, or anything like that. I was just /there/ and they were there, that was what was important. Everything after that was just details to remember and to love, but not necessarily to mind or worry about.

So when someone asks me where I'd prefer to go to eat or something, and I say I honestly couldn't care either way...it's true. I couldn't. I have no preference. My preference is both, is neither, is anything so long as I'm just there with them. Truly. ^_^ It makes me a very indecisive person, and it gets on a lot of people's nerves, but it does mean I can get along with very opinionated people.

"Because you've been kept inside a box, you've learned to develop an open and easily pleased mindset."
Which is slightly paraphrased from what someone said. :P

But anyway... seriously, I got way off topic that time...the movie /was/ really cool. ^_^ And now I feel slightly less of an uncultured dork. ;) But even so, I did spend a lot of the movie in a half-watching state, letting my thoughts process. Basically the thoughts I just all pointed out. I tend to do that at odd times as well as right before sleeping. I just have a lot of thoughts to process... << I do, really. :P

Nia came in, and somehow we ended up in the kitchen at the table while Midget took a shower and Mangy made cheesecake for the next day. Not helping, just poring over the movie selections with Nia while probably being in Mangy's way, though she didn't seem to mind. ^_^

We decided on Nim's Island and all sat out on various bits of furniture--Legolas was /still/ drawing, mind you--to watch it. A cute movie, worth a watch, but probably not two. :P

I remember looking over at one point--we'd switched all around during the Indiana Jones movie, but we were all fairly stationary during this one--and Nia was in one chair, Legolas and I were on the floor, and Mangy and Midget were on the couch. Mangy was sitting on one end, with Midget laying all across it, covered in a blanket (I have no clue how she didn't fall asleep, I think she might have drifted a bit), with her feet on Mangy's lap. I just sort of smiled. It struck me as...comfortable. Sweet.

As much fun as the craziness at the store and in the car had been...and even that was down-time compared to what we had in store on the morrow...the down-time like that was equally as wonderful in a different way. Just having those hours to just...hang out. To enjoy each other's simple presence together. Those bits mean as much to me as the others, even though I don't say as much about them.

I wish I never had to leave it.

But...yeah. ^_^ Eventually, the movie ended, and Nia went home, with promises to see us on the morrow. But! Movies weren't over. Not yet. :P Apparently various people had been trying to get Mangy to watch Mirrormask (MirrorMask?) for quite awhile. And so finally we put it on and watched it. I moved to the chair that Nia had recently occupied and popped open my laptop.

Which meant I basically missed the first probably thirty minutes of the movie because I was caught up in IMing people who were bombarding me with questions of how everything was going, and checking all my emails, and new posts on CP, as usual.

But I tuned in for the rest of the movie, and IT WAS AWESOME!!

It practically brought a new definition of the word "weird" to me, and it was undoubtedly THE strangest movie I have EVER seen. I /must/ watch it again in a soonwise manner. It was just so...different. And awesome. And random. :D But at the same time there's plenty of material there to turn into nightmares. Luckily my nightmares haven't used said material yet. Probably because I watched it at Mangy's, which is a happy place, and one of the only places I can get a decent night's sleep, guaranteed no nightmares. ^_^

By the end of that movie, I was starting to nod off. Legolas headed home, also with the promise of seeing her on the morrow, and the rest of us got ready for sleep time. Mangy headed upstairs, and then me and Midget ended up actually staying up. We sat up for...my time sense is skewed in a big way, but possibly up to an hourish, just talking.

It was a really, really nice talk. It took a serious note, which honestly was the perfect way to complete that day. It'd been frantic, then anticipatory, then initial excitement, then waiting, then crazy-happy, then generally awesome, at times touching, then relaxing and comforting, and then to end on a not-unhappy note of...understanding and seriousness. And I've had serious discussions with Midget online...to be having one in person, too...which is even rarer than the hugs and the happy-happy... It was so /real/ at that point. :)

After that, we collapsed to bed, both of us having been awake for somewhat over 24 awesomesauce-filled hours.

And thus ended the amazing first day.

Forgive me, I'm exhausted, and have no desire to go back through for another edit :P So hopefully I didn't bore you and managed to convey everything right...and /spell/ it right. Let me know if I didn't.

I'll get the first part of Sunday up here pretty soon, hopefully. Probably not until after the weekend's over. But soon. I've got to get it all out before my memory /completely/ fades, after all... ^_^

So stay tuned for Part IV

The Colorado Mooti Min and Other Adventures Part II: Driving and Lunch

2009-01-05T06:03:00.002-07:00

Alright, part II...

So we left the airport parking lot--Midget insisting and losing the argument to pay for parking--and by that time it had been established that none of us had eaten recentlyish, but we resolved to wait for the soup that was planned for lunch at Mangy's.

The drive back to Mangy's was just so fun. It was somewhat over an hour, with Legolas and me in the backseat and Midget up front with Mangy (of course). Mangy and Midget chattered a bit, about various things that I barely even recall--I was still in a bit of a daze from the whole thing, and actually having /Midget/ in the car already--with some occasional input from Legolas. I think I mostly stayed quiet, just taking it all in...or trying, anyway.

Now, on the way to the airport, Mangy had mentioned some CD that we /had/ to listen to once Midget was there. Well, there she was. So we heard the story of the Happy Music CD.

Apparently, a couple years ago I think, I missed that bit, Midget kept mentioning to Mangy via chat that she was always listening to depressing music and it was making her sad. So Mangy put together and mailed Midget said Happy Music CD.

It's bright yellow, and is basically a giant smilie face. :D Midget said when she got that, she started laughing and her sister said, "Do you think that's a /hint/?" rather pointedly.

So the first song came on. I have no clue what it's called or who it's by, but at first it totally creeped me out, and then I was cracking up. It was all, "Happy boys, and happy girls! We are the happy boys and girls!" in a very high-pitched peppy voice...oh my gosh. I'm laughing just remembering my first impression. Midget recalled her first impression, which was also cracking up. How could you not?

One of the songs shortly after that was "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts. Legolas pointed out just how fitting it was--I mean, we were even on a highway. "Life is a highway, I wanna drive it all night long. If you're going my way, I wanna ride it all night long." And quite true.

That was the only song I knew at the time, so after singing along unexpectedly loudly, I sat back and just took it all in. The bright blue, gloriously sunny and cool Colorado day outside; the familiar scenery whizzing past, looking better than ever, what bits of it I noticed; sitting in the back just observing everyone and thinking.

See, looking ahead at things to come and gathers to be had, I usually measure them in goodbyes. I count how many people I'll have to say goodbye to, how many times, and for how long...I get cynical like that. But sitting there in the back of the truck, all I could think about was how wonderful life was.

Midget and Mangy were laughing and singing along to some crazy songs about a guy's head falling off, and Legolas was hoarding some Pringles and looking a bit weirded out, like "Okaaaayy...", we were headed back to one of my favourite places, and I had a whole weekend ahead of me with some of the awesomest people ever. I mean, who was I to be so lucky, so blessed...what did I do to deserve such friends and to be included in such a happy time? I didn't really care, I was just soaking it up.

I know I sound like a broken record, continually emphasising how overjoyed and happy and content and ecstatic and wonderful I was feeling, and since that time was all about the visiting Midget, it sounds self-absorbed, but that is mostly all I could comprehend at that point. :oops: And it's my blog, so there. XD

I just wanted to bottle that moment up and keep it forever. So I stored it away in my memory, where it should be safe for awhile.

Then, my favourite part of the drive, the Hairbrush Song came on, from Silly Songs With Larry--Veggie Tales, for those who don't know. I only knew a few of the lyrics, but Legolas apparently knew the whole song, including the commentary inbetween lines. She actually sang and mimed along with THE WHOLE THING! It...rocked. I'm not sure how much the front-seaters got to see of it, but I was just watching, open-mouthed and cracking /totally/ up all at the same time. From now on, anytime I hear that song, I will /only/ be able to picture Legolas in the back seat of Mangy's truck, acting it out. Wow. :D

The songs after that flew by as quickly as the miles, and all I could do was just stare at the three other passengers alternately--mentally embedding their faces in my mind, writing their usernames over their heads to convince myself they were all them (mostly Midget), and just watching them. I can never get enough of looking at my friends.

Closer to Mangy's house, this weird track came on the CD and Mangy paused the player, saying she had to explain about the fingertips first. Me and Legolas were sort of O.o-ing in the back. So Mangy explained that they were all 10-second (I think) or less tracks, a bunch of them, each separate songs/tracks, one after another, called "fingertips"...or from the album called "fingertips", perhaps...wasn't quite clear on that. :oops: From the band They Might Be Giants--which I'd heard about from Mangy before. And now I really must look them up.

So she turned the player back on, and the most incredible /randomness/ assaulted our ears. Legolas never really stopped the O.o-ness, mixed with mild chuckling, but by the end I was seriously laughing. Maybe they weren't that funny, maybe they were, but I was laughing anyway.

Tiny tracks like someone saying "Please pass the milk, please." thrice in a row...or "I heard a sound. I turned around. I turned around to find the thing that made the sound." or "I'm having a heart attack." repeated a couple times...

it was awesome. XD Look them up. ;)

Just after those finished, we pulled up to Mangy's house and piled out of the car, me with my big poofy flippy skirt and all.

Now, while in the car, I'd had time to do some thinking, and I was more convinced that I knew what Midget wanted a chair for. I started by ruling out various reasons she might need to stand on one, and wasn't left with many options. Especially since it was not immediately, like a spur-of-the-moment thing, she just needed one in general. I concluded that she either wanted to tackle/glomp someone and get the advantage by standing on a chair (hey...I'd never been glomped or even witnessed one...I had no clue how they were normally carried out)... /or/ she was going to give someone/everyone a hug from Maranar (for non-CPeeps...he's /really/ tall... And Midget...shorter than me.)

That last one--the giving hugs from people and doing things like that to acquire a comically similar height--I hadn't heard anything about, but is probably something everyone else around CP would've guessed a lot easier. But I'm a newbie, cut me some slack. It takes longer to figure these things out.

Entering Mangy's kitchen, Midget did spy the chairs, pulled one out, stood up on it, and in a fairly unexpected move, told /me/ to come stand in front of her. I'd expected her to be telling Mangy to get over there or something. :P She /didn't/ leap out of the chair at me, which frankly I wasn't expecting to happen anyway. She /did/ hug me tight and start to explain that it was from our very tall friend, and then Mangy whipped out her camera and said nono, hug again, she wanted a picture of it. ^_^

I believe, during this episode, Legolas had excused herself, and when she came back in the room to that odd situation, she just sort of blinked and stared like, "...okay...do I even want to know?" which caused me to burst into laughter again.

So after that, Midget gave, like, everyone hugs from Mar and Emerwen who's also still a lot taller than Midget. That was just so sweet. Midget explained that when Mar gave people hugs from her, he would kneel down, so he told her she had to stand on a chair to return the favour. :P

Mangy put the soup in the microwave to thaw back out and went upstairs to check on her sleeping family, and the three of us girls just sort of stood around the kitchen. Midget--hyped up on no sleep and not much food, either, as well as a lot of adrenaline, I imagine--started to spin around in circles, totally randomly. Me and Legolas stared for a bit and Midget said we should all spin around in circles. I don't actually remember whether it was Midget or Legolas who said we should all do it so when Mangy came down it would be her turn to go "...okay...do I even want to know?" at us.

So Legolas, in her weird mood that day, and me feeling totally strange and happy, all spun around in place with her. Mangy came downstairs and gave the predicted look. We all burst out laughing. It was awesome.

We sat down to the soup, which turned out to be too cold so Mangy stuck it back in the microwave, and chattered. Mostly about what we'd be doing the rest of the day, and probably some other stuff that's slipped my mind. Legolas kindly shared her Pringles, but I just kept laughing at random things, whether they were funny or not.

I remember Midget asking me /several/ times that day why I was laughing, to which my only response was always, "I'm just so happy." 'Cos I really was just happy and joyful. :) As I keep saying, I know, I know, you're getting tired of hearing it by now :oops: I'll tone it down.

After that, we left Mangy's house with the intention to go hang out and chat for awhile and then go shopping,
but I'm afraid that lunch is the end of part II, this is enough to occupy y'all for at least a little while, and it's way past my bedtime. XD

Stay tuned for part III, coming in the next day or so! ^_^

The Colorado Mooti Min and Other Adventures Part I: The Beginning and The Airport

2009-01-02T09:15:00.005-07:00

Okay, I know this is sort of late; I should have posted it earlier since it's about the 27th-29th of December,

but I guess I just had to let it all sink in before blogging about it. And I really picked a horrible time as I just glued those fake nail things on and can't hardly type at the pace of a snail.

This is going to be fairly long, so it'll be in parts, as I get it up. If you feel inclined to read it all, then awesomesauce to you. If not--I don't blame you. :P

Warning, I might get a bit mushy here, so this is your chance to bail out ;) Hopefully I can keep this all in the same tense...

Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start)--

Saturday, December 27th, 2:30am. I woke up for the day (after having been sent quite firmly to bed by a friend at 6pm the night before in anticipation of early rising :P ). I knew I didn't have much time to get ready, but for some reason spent, like, an hour of my time on the computer. Yes, I have issues. ;)

I left, though, at 4:40am, five minutes sooner than my estimated departure--and I didn't forget a single thing! (okay, so one thing, which I didn't realise until much later) Drove the 2ish hours to Mangy's house in the predawn light, had to be there by 7. Well, of course, at 4:40am there's not much traffic...so I got their early. I sat in the driveway for about twenty minutes, not wanting to disturb anyone early. But anyway, eventually, I ended up inside, Legolas showed up, and we waited for Mangy.

It was my first time meeting Legolas, and on the morning when we were all psyched about meeting or seeing Midget again, with me slightly tired and nervous and Legolas in a totally odd (but awesomely so) mood...it was a bit weird. But...in a good way. :) It turned out that she was pretty sweet and really nice, but also really real, and funny, and incredibly weird, dark but totally not, and somewhat opinionated, and quiet, but not quiet at all, and...oh, just very Legolassy. And definitely someone I could spend time with quite happily...and did. ^_^

But alright, moving on. The three of us finally departed Mangy's a bit later than the intended time, but not by much. The ride up to the airport was extremely fun. We turned on music--none of which I knew--and talked. Well, mostly Mangy and Legolas talked--I listened. But I had a BLAST listening. I learned a lot about them just through that, and it gave me some time to just sit and get lost in my thoughts--which you can't always do while driving, unless you like car crashes--so I was able to calm my jittery self down about meeting my very dear Midget.

We got there and took the shuttle bus.
I feel it necessary to mention this little bit, because this observation was the start of my conscious happiness that weekend. I'd been happy in the car on the way there, been happy--so gloriously happy--from the moment I stepped into Mangy's house, as always, but I wasn't consciously realising it. So as we were riding in the shuttle thing from the parking lot to the airport, Mangy and Legolas and I were just talking away, being silly, being happy, being joyful, laughing, and referencing inside things you'd only know if you were a CPeep.

The couple other passengers were just sitting on their own, waiting for the ride to be over, very businesslike. I for some reason recalled other situations similar...where I was one of them. I would seek out people like Mangy and Legolas in the crowd, sit near them, and listen to their overflowingly joyful and anticipatory babble, wondering what /their/ story was, wondering what they were talking about, soaking in the happy radiating from them, and often wishing I was a part of that sort of a happy, real group. Wishing I was them, in essence. And I realised that this time, to my amazement...I /was!/

I was part of their group. I was happy, joyful with them. Not vicariously. I was on the inside, I knew what they were talking about, I knew their story, why they were here, and I was a part of it, talking and joking and being myself with them. It felt amazing. It might sound silly, but it felt amazing. :) I was content at that moment. And that contentment didn't poof the whole weekend. I didn't care that we had like a half hour or more 'til Midget arrived. I just wanted to /be/ there in that minute that I was, in each minute as it came, soaking it in and being part of the awesome.

At the airport, after some mild wandering, which seemed aimless but apparently wasn't, we found the place we were to meet our Cali friend, and were early, so settled in for the wait. I hadn't been there before--not in my memory anyway--and so I was totally gawking...they had actual /birds/ in there, all over the place.

Okay, so I'm going to let myself sound like an out-of-the-loop, back-country hick who's never been to the city, and a bit like a dork, too...but /everything/ in the bathrooms was automatic! It rocked! Automatic things make me feel like a Jedi--or a Sith, depending on the day. B-) The paper towels were automatic, and Legolas and I played around with them for a bit, discovering that it wouldn't let you call up multiple paper towels from the void at once, sadly enough. And I spent, like, entire /minutes/ getting piles of automatic soap one after the other, just because I could. Yeah. That about sums me up. :6:

We then stood around out by the meeting place, talking about how unhappy people were. I think I brought it up. I was just looking around at everyone standing at the same area we were to pick up people, wondering what their stories were and who they were waiting for with my ever-present mild curiosity. And I realised that they all looked either bored, or tense, or apathetic. I noticed the contrast because Mangy and Legolas and I were gabbing away and grinning and laughing and looking happy.

As well we should, with Midget so close. Not to mention our little trio was happy and fun /anyway/. :P

In fact, we were so fun that I was the only one who saw Midget at first. She came in with the group of people from her flight. I was all excited and hyper-aware and scanning almost obsessively. Mangy and Legolas were still talking about the people who didn't look happy. I'm still unsure if Legolas saw her, but I got the impression she didn't. Midget came up the escalator and grinned at us. I saw her, grinned back, and waited, intrigued, to see if Mangy screamed or something.

...nothing happened.

Midget drew nearer; the conversation (minus me--I was staring at Midget) carried on. Midget stopped right in front of Mangy. I was practically cracking up at this point, I think Midget was, too, and Legolas had seen her by then.

Mangy finally looked up and there was this half-squeal and then everyone was hugging, hugging, embracing, squishying, and hugging some more. Lots of smiling going on. Some relieved/nervous giggling from me. And I was honestly just so happy at that point. I laugh when I'm that happy--it's so rare and I'm so unused to it and the only outlet is laughter.

Midget kept insisting that she find a chair to stand on. Pretty much obsessing about it. Okay, I'm really not trying to sound all smart, but I did guess what she needed it for. And I do mean that. :P To keep this as storylike as possible, I'll wait 'til later to speak of my speculations.

I didn't voice my opinions then , either, and waited to find out if I was right. And there weren't any convenient chairs in the airport--not our section, amazingly enough--so that was put on hold, though she kept obsessing over it the whole time we were there.

We went to get Midget's baggage, chatting about (what else?) CP, about a couple CPers in particular, and a bit about the luggage. Which we eventually found and got out of there. Even Midget--bundled up in layers and jackets--was finding it hot. ;) The fresh air outside was awesome, and we kept cracking each other up...I don't even remember if anything was that funny, but the sheer joy of being together made us all ecstatic and prone to laughter. Mine just never faded throughout the weekend.

We got to the shuttle pickup spot and it was nearly leaving. Midget was on the phone by that point--remembering, thanks to Mangy, to call her mom to tell her she landed safely. So we all had to run--Midget on the phone--and catch the shuttle guy just in time. Of course, we didn't have much of a clue as to where we parked, but we eventually did find it and got out.

We piled into Mangy's truck, Midget got off the phone, and we commenced the journey homewards--well, Mangy's home, anyway, which really is one of the homiest homes I've ever been in.

And, not only is it really late and I must catch some sleep,
but that is the end of the airport.
So, the end of Part I.
I'll get on Part II fairly quick here--stay tuned.
If you were tuned anyway.
And if you were, wow.

Randomness and Packing

2008-12-27T02:42:00.004-07:00

Well,
I decided to blog even though I just woke up, it's 2:43, and I don't have much to say...yeah, pretty pointless, but I never let THAT stop me. :P

I'm drinking tea and eating a couple eggs...I still have quite a bit to do and all in about an hour and a half...oh dear...how did I /get/ in such a /mess/?! Although, I think it would help if I got off the computer. Yes, yes probably. But I won't ^_^ not 'til I have to.

The reason for being up so early, you ask? :P Not like anyone who reads this hasn't already heard me obsess about it for forever, but I'm off for the weekend to meet up with some dear friends. Not just dear friends, but some of the most awesomeful people I will /ever/ be blessed to know. :)

I'll be going with Mangy and Legolas to pick up Midget--((anyone who happens to read this blog and doesn't know who those guys are--they're my CPeeps))--from the airport, and /then/ I get to spend the whole weekend with said Mangy and Midget. B-) Talk about awesomesauce!

And as if that weren't enough, which it's more than, I get to hang out with a whole /group/ of CPers on Sunday afternoon, several of them I'll be meeting for the first time. It's going to rock. Or, as a friend of mine said once: ROCK. MY. FACE. OFF. :D

Anywhoodles, that's what I'm getting ready for in-between bloggering. It's taken me, like, fifty minutes to write this one post, gosh. So...I'd better be off.

Safe journeying, and may the stars shine upon your faces,

-Any

New Era, New Blog

2008-12-25T00:47:00.003-07:00

I'm sorry for posting this so early in the morning, but it's urgent I tell you something; you see, the police are looking for me...

Well! I figured since I'm in a new "era" of my life, I needed a new blog.
I had the "parts I don't remember because I was a baby era"
the "Montana era"
the "moving back to Colorado era"
the "public school era"
the "homeschooled era"
the "online school era"
the "Druidawn era"
the "high school era"
the "Ashley era"
the "depressive era"
the "getting better era"
with each era pretty much characterised or defined by moving and by friends. A new group of friends per era. And now I'm at the "Anywhere era" for lack of a better term (and let's face it, that's a pretty sweet term).
I'm 18, I'm starting college classes, I'm trying to get a job, I've found the most incredibly amazing friends in the entire 'verse, and I'm confident about /these/ ones lasting. I'm learning confidence in myself, and I'm starting to think ahead to my future as more than just a dream.
I think I'd like this era to last awhile. :D

So after this slightly reminiscing and hopeful random...thing...which I probably put in more for my benefit than anyone else's... :6:

This shall be a blog of me. For anyone who's interested. If, in fact, nobody happens to be interested, I will probably post anyway, because I don't keep journals. :P

I shall post poems, updates on my life, stories or snippets, talk about random things, obsess about books and TV shows and movies upon occasion, probably reference per post at /least/ one of the crazy funny things I geek out over, and possibly link to random cool things if I find any. But probably mostly the whole updates on my life thing. I seem to be into that. << So anyone who's interested in my life, this is the place to go. Anyone who's not... uh...sorry? Good riddance? Pack your Luggage and get out?

Hopefully I get at least a reader or two, though. /Someone/ must want to know what's happening in my life. :P I'll update again once I get some people aware of this site's existence.

Safe journeying, and don't walk along the flattened grass,

-Any

Peaceful, Easy Feeling - a reflection that carries over into endless Texas babble

2008-01-25T01:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm posting this bit first. Initially I just started a post, but got carried away. And I did warn everyone I was using this half as a journal. XD So I'm just going to be crazy--it's 3:40am, I'm allowed to be--and post it. But posting it first so it's not on top and nobody has to read it. They can just read the top post and not worry about it. ^_^

I honestly, sincerely doubt anyone will read it, want to, or even bother. Which is probably the deciding factor on whether to post it. :P

If you REALLY want to read it, then you're probably Linny. :6: If you're not, possibly Hood. ;)

Seriously, if any of y'all really want to read it, then go ahead. :P Any strange reflective sorting-out thoughts like this, I don't mind people knowing (or at least, I don't mind them knowing at 3am...who knows if tomorrow I'll totally panic and delete this post XD ), for all the good they think it will do them. If I didn't want anyone to read it (or rather, if I wanted nobody to read it), then I wouldn't post it.

But for anyone who has a ton of random free time, has nothing better to do, and/or is simply interested in the workings of my self-absorbed reflective mind at 3am, I must warn you, this is pretty much all speculative analysis of my own thought process, and it sounds all conceited and knowing (and redundant), because I didn't feel the need to keep putting "possibly"s and "so it would seem that"s and "in my opinion"s...since it's all my opinion. So it seems like I'm claiming that analysis to be the truth, but I assure you I know it's all just random thoughts and speculation that I'm attempting to sort out to explain my behavioural patterns and thoughts as of late. ^_^ And if it sounds totally moronic, too bad. You chose to read it. :P

Really...mostly, at least the first bit, is just me sort of excited that I have hope of not being an epic failure forever. :P

Er...anyway. -pastes in babble-

You know...it's sort of odd...watching myself get less awkward. O.o
When I first met Mangy and Hood--just back in early Nov--I was so incredibly awkward and stiff and a fair bit scared as well. My nervous laughter mixed so thoroughly with my amused laughter that everyone probably thought I was dying, and I know I was constantly red in the face from all of it.

But every time I meet up with a friend again, every time I step back through Mangy's door, every time I get another hug, every time I spend some quality time just talking or sitting or "cuddling" (as in, hugging tight and holding it for awhile, people, I don't know what else to call it so deal with it :ninja: )...every time, I just feel myself more at ease. A very tiny bit by bit. I may still laugh a lot because I'm happy or because the friends I'm with are awesome and hilarious, but I can be normal, too.

It's like I'm learning how to relax--my guard and my mind, that is. I don't feel watched--I feel noticed. I don't feel talked about--I feel cared about. I don't feel tolerated--I feel included and, dare I say, wanted.

Not /completely/ yet...I know I still have a long way to go and am still often assaulted by bouts of insecurities/unsureness/awkwardness/etc. But I can see myself improving.

With each consecutive meeting and more time spent, I feel like I can speak up without saying something wrong. It's not just that I'm assimilating myself into my friends' lives and RL mannerisms and know what and what not to say--I just feel more overall confident in their caring about me and what I have to say, and I feel confident in what I have to say as well. I find myself actually able to come up with things to say in the first place, now, instead of being on overload or so absorbed in unprocessed and unfamiliar feelings that I can't make my mind function.

I find myself /letting/ myself be at ease. I find myself /capable/ of being at ease. Or, a bit more at ease than the last time. :)

I also find that I'm a lot less hesitant to engage in random hugs at any time, in resting my head on a shoulder, leaning against someone, invading their personal space for humourous/random/affectionate reasons. I'm less tentative about initiating the physical contact that means so much to me.

Because physical contact really does mean so much to me. I don't get it that often. Haven't really at all until recently. But I crave it a lot. Sometimes later at night when I'm in my house and the only one awake and everyone seems so far away, I'll wander around the kitchen for, like, twenty minutes with an unidentifiable craving, opening all the cabinets, looking for something, anything, that would satisfy it...and then suddenly I'll realise that I'm not craving food, I'm craving people/friends/hugs.

Even online hugs make my day--RL hugs make my LIFE better with each one. :ninja: Seriously, though...just sitting next to someone, hugging them, being hugged, having them rest their head on my shoulder, resting my head on their shoulder (which is becoming less rare), or just leaning against them, in whatever mood be it silly or jokey or random or fun or affectionate or just hanging out, it's nice. :) Especially when they do it to me, just continually proving wrong my random insecurities that tell me that people are repelled by me and don't even want to touch me. And they prove that mindset wrong to the point where I start getting over it and start initiating contact myself...

Sorry. That was totally redundant...I kept trying to reword it but eventually just gave up. :6: Not likely many/any people will be reading this anyway, so who cares?

I know I still have a LONG way to go, I know I'm still totally a socially awkward dork, and often an epic failure. XD And I know that especially with first-RL meetings with friends I'll probably still be incredibly awkward and will take some time to get used to them as well as I've done with Mangy, Legolas, Hood, Midget, etc...but hopefully not as long as it's taken me so far.

I know I'm just babbling by this point and it's 3am, but I'm going to indulge myself where I think I would normally just cut myself off, because it's helping me to sort out my thoughts on this, and I'm also going to post it because then I'll have easy access to it instead of trying to fuss with putting it in some file somewhere. :oops:

Being at Mangy's, I'm hesitant to just bring up the Texas trip again, because it sounds like that's all I can think about and look forward to, when in truth I'm enjoying Mangy's so much and savouring every single moment. But I always have a LOT of things on my mind, in various stages of forefront-ness, and the trip is, quite understandably, one of the major ones and more often at the very forefront than most other thoughts. What can I say--it's a huge thing for me.

Anyway. In relation to the topic of my slowly-becoming-comfortableness.

Because of what I'm learning, and what I'm gradually able to do more often (think, speak, take actions, and /be/ in relative normality)...I'm hoping that will pleasantly affect and allay some fears about the TX trip. The very initial RL meeting, and possibly for a little while spending some time with them all after that, I have no doubt that I will start off incredibly awkward and unsure and mostly overwhelmed. But I'm hopeful that it'll be a lot less than I was afraid of and that I won't be filled with so many unidentifiable and unprocessable emotions that I'll simply have a breakdown.

I've been through various meeting-people now, both initially and multiple times, and I think I'm getting the hang of it. Those emotions have been identified and processed, which means they can now be again. Hopefully it means I'll be able to handle it better than I worried when I first started imagining meeting them all at once way back before I'd really met anyone at all yet. ^_^

Of course, there still may be tears. Can't guarantee that there won't :6: but they won't be overload-breakdown ones, I'm more positive. They'll be overjoyed ones. :D

Also, I hope that not only will my knowing them as well as I do already online help with the overcoming that initial awkwardness faster, but what I've been getting used to with being in the company of friends like Mangy, Legolas, Midget, Hood...that that will help as well. Because getting over the awkwardness and becoming as comfortable and non-self-conscious as I feel around Mangy and everyone already as quickly as possible with the Texans is a really good thing.

Yes, I did say this was mostly babble, and parts of it I'm sure I worded so horribly that only I'll understand them. :oops:

Another major, very related thing that I'm hoping for is that if getting to spend the occasional weekend with Mangy, Midget, Legolas, and time with Hood...and attending the occasional mini-moot...have already done something for me--probably not much, but to /me/ it seems like a /lot/ already--then...well...

I'm thinking that spending two entire months in a row surrounded by friends, like, constantly, and living a totally different way than I'm used to, with amazing people and just being normal with them...I'm really hoping that it'll do me good. :oops: Maybe that sounds selfish or something, who knows, but it is one of the things I hope happens while I'm there.

I hope that the healing/fixing/personality-uncovering and shaping which every one of my friends, online and the ones I've met/spent time with in person has helped with and continues to help with more than they'll ever know, will just...keep happening, but even more. :oops:

I hope that the months will teach me a lot...about myself, about my friends, about life, about God and how much I am blessed...or at least /something/ besides the heaps and heaps of awesomesauce and fun that I expect. :)

I hope bonds will be strengthened...others more fully formed...and yet others perhaps formed in the first place that weren't there before.

And I KNOW that no silly insecurities or awkwardness is going to prevent me from grabbing hold of the first Texan I meet and hugging them to death. And then hugging the rest of them to death. XD Not that the awkwardness has prevented me from hugging before, but now I know if I relived that first meeting with Mangy and Hood, I'd be glomping them like crazy instead of just hugging once.

I'm also going to imprint ALL of the Texans' smells into my memory permanently. :) -is a weirdo for doing that with all my friends- :D

Then again, maybe it'll be a disaster :6: but I'm not expecting and certainly not hoping for that.

Especially if what I've been "learning" (in more of a behavioural type of learning rather than a mental conscious one) can come into play to make things smoother (than broken shards of glass on a sandpapered floor, at least) for the first bit...I can hope anyway...

So that's my hope, my almost expectation (among many other things, this is not all that I hope to achieve/all that I hope happens on the trip BY FAR :oops: it just happens to be more on my mind at the moment than allllll the other stuff, but hopefully you've got the point by now and I can shut up...) and my endless reflections, however silly/dorky/clueless/self-absorbed/incorrect/cheesy/ridiculous they might sound to anyone else, are over.

:)

...and of course, for any Texans who happen to actually read all that... :6: now you're in my head about all of everything and catch a glimpse how important/awesome this trip is to me. Which I find unfair and possibly disturbing or frightening, since I have no clue your returning thoughts and how much importance/awesomeness any of y'all attribute to it, if any. :P But there you have it. Like anyone'll get through all of that without falling asleep anyway...

I'll go post my day now, so y'all can read that instead of this psychobabble.

Feel free, whether you read that or not, to post snide/strange/thought-filled comments, but I don't even recommend /reading/ all that since I sound all 3am-ish and so unlike me IMO, so yeah. XD

-Any